Healthy definition of romance

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I ask what is a healthy definition of romance I was always accused of being lustful and not romantic. It bothers me because i still believe she is right about a lot of things she complained about I read fifty shades of grey with her (very hard book to read for a guy) I watched all the tv shows with her. I took her our to movies and lunches i bought her flowers spending money on her to be happy. I thought of her constantly ...

Always doing things to make her happy we went to the beach as a family we went to build a bear ( not romantic but i thought it was sweet) we went to the park and had picnics. She always made sexual remarks and talked at nausea about sex with me. When something happened she exploded told me i always called her names how she was tired of the up and down relationship how i only showed affection when i wanted sex which is not true i always told her i loved her and how much she meant to me and how she inspires me and how she and her kids was the only solace i had in life.

I tried to do everything she complained because i said one day i hope we can go ballroom dancing she got disappointed and said I want a man who says we will go ball room dancing she resented me and always said i had low self esteem and how she wanted some one who was confident... i am just confused

[freshlySane]

I ask what is a healthy definition of romance I was always accused of being lustful and not romantic. It bothers me because i still believe she is right about a lot of things she complained about I read fifty shades of grey with her (very hard book to read for a guy) I watched all the tv shows with her. I took her our to movies and lunches i bought her flowers spending money on her to be happy. I thought of her constantly ...

Always doing things to make her happy we went to the beach as a family we went to build a bear ( not romantic but i thought it was sweet) we went to the park and had picnics. She always made sexual remarks and talked at nausea about sex with me. When something happened she exploded told me i always called her names how she was tired of the up and down relationship how i only showed affection when i wanted sex which is not true i always told her i loved her and how much she meant to me and how she inspires me and how she and her kids was the only solace i had in life.

I tried to do everything she complained because i said one day i hope we can go ballroom dancing she got disappointed and said I want a man who says we will go ball room dancing she resented me and always said i had low self esteem and how she wanted some one who was confident... i am just confused

[morningagain]

Try reading this post by Randi Kreger

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=182666.0

"Traits of a healthy relationship"

This is an awesome post and one in which I refer back to fairly often.  Randi describes succinctly traits of a healthy relationship followed traits in a high conflict relationship.  I love having a description of the goal and a great list of  as well.

Warning too - for awhile one of my 'usages' of the  unhealthy traits was to paint her black, which in the end was more destructive than useful.  I got hung up in my own healing, stayed stuck in anger and the 'victim' stage, until I was able to understand her better, understand myself better, and take a more "harsh acceptance of reality" of my own dysfunctional behaviors and (dys)cognitive thinking.  At the moment, I am making progress again in my recovery... .