Whats the best way to do NC

[cal644]

Recently I've read a bunch on going NC, it seems to have affected my soon to be ex. Even though I told her I wanted NC she now texts daily for stupid stuff, I try not to respond or wait for an hour or two but it's tough for me not to respond since we were married and best friends for 19 years. Any ideas how I can slowly start this process or is it best to quit cold turkey?

[freshlySane]

this is something i struggle with cold turkey is the best but you got to keep busy if you don't youll make some kind of contact do you see a Therapist?

[cal644]

yes I see a theropist - he's helped me make sence of this all - even though I still think it's a nightmare... .  the things she text about are like asking for a sewing machine book - which she used once in 19 years, or a book she needs, or about our daughters practice time which has been the same for 5 years, or stupid stuff like that... .  I try to not text but its hard

[AllyCat7]

Maybe you can try limited contact first. Make a set schedule of how/when you can have contact. That way you have a semblance of control but you won't feel like you're "cheating" or being a push over if you have contact with her.

[cal644]

I tried that - saying no more texts - maybe just email once a week - since doing that I receive texts daily, I've tried not to respond. I never initiate unless absolutely necessary.  But it's hard - I want to respond, but I try to remain strong.

[seeking balance]

Well  - why do you want to go NC?

NC is a tool to detach - not the goal necessarily

[cal644]

Honestly - I think I do need to detach.  She has chosen a texting friend over her husband and family, and has painted me so black I don't know if I would even want to reconsile at this point.  When I did a week of NC I started to piece my life back together.  Then I was stuppid and replied to a text she sent how good people make bad decisions.  I understood it as she was sorry and wanted to work on things. BAM! all of it was in my face, my fault, etc.  So I went NC for 2 days, she sent all loving texts with  .  I fell for the trap again.  I need to detach. for my own health

[seeking balance]

so, if you have made a conscious choice that NC is good for your mental health, then the best way to go NC is simply - well... .  do it.

Boundaries, Boundaries, Boundaries

Let me ask you this - is NC (no contact means absolutely NO communication response on your part) reasonable based on your current situation?

Meaning - are you still negotiating a divorce, finances, kids?

[cal644]

We are still in the process of divorce.  We are doing a week and a week and she isn't going to fight it - if it got down to full custody I think she is afraid she would lose or our daughter would chose to live with me.  I send her a bill/invoice every two weeks for her portion of cc and medical bills.  I do only text if it is urgent in reguard to our daughter.  I know I need to go totally NC - but I still look at things through rose colored glasses - I'm starting to remove those and see how miserable I was and how I always gave 100% and got maybe 20% in return. 

[seeking balance]

We are still in the process of divorce.  We are doing a week and a week and she isn't going to fight it - if it got down to full custody I think she is afraid she would lose or our daughter would chose to live with me.  I send her a bill/invoice every two weeks for her portion of cc and medical bills.  I do only text if it is urgent in reguard to our daughter.  I know I need to go totally NC - but I still look at things through rose colored glasses - I'm starting to remove those and see how miserable I was and how I always gave 100% and got maybe 20% in return. 

Cal - you have a kid, NC is not really an option for you - but limited contact - LC - with boundaries is an option.

So, you have an arrangement in place regarding bills - is there any reason you can do this monthly rather than every 2 weeks to give you a little more of a breather?

Regarding your daughter - take a look at the parenting board - they have great strategies over there on how best to co-parent.

[cal644]

The main reason is she gets paid bi-monthly.  Which that doesn't take a lot of time.  I will try the LC ... .  but should I only respond to child related things?  I will also take a look at that board.  Thanks