haunted by this love

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Patientandclear, what are the type of somatic therapies you've found most useful?

[leftbehind]

Patientandclear, what are the type of somatic therapies you've found most useful?

[patientandclear]

There are two: lifespan integration & sensorimotor psychotherapy.  www.lifespanintegration.com & www.sensorimotorpsychotherapy.org are sites that give an overview.  Both involve using physical sensations arising in contemplation of what is hurting you, to connect to memories or images which become the site of healing work.  Both have been profoundly helpful to me after two years (!) of talk therapy making zero dent in the damage done by this r/s.

One thing I like about these approaches is that the debate over whether these relationships themselves did the damage (in my case I believe that is largely true for reasons you & I share) versus whethr it all stems from FOO experiences ... .it just doesn't matter. The core fear or injury we are lugging around from whenever gets excavated, whether it arose in these r/s or earlier. We don't really have to know where it started.

[Emelie Emelie]

Left Behind I've been so touched by your posts.  I could have written many of them myself.  At one point I wondered if we were dating the same guy .  Many, many similarities here.  It's a painful and difficult journey.  I am 3 1/2 months out after a one year relationship.  Reacted much the same way.  Including not taking care of my home, finances, etc.  Feeling like there was something fundamentally wrong with me.  At first it was all I could do to get through the day.  But sometimes that's enough.  Just getting through the day.  Or the hour.  Whatever it takes.  I'm still in communication with my X.  That's very complicated and often very painful.  I'm finally beginning to realize I just can't do that anymore.  But can't say I'm there yet. 

Beside the point - What I wanted to tell you is it does get better.  It's up and down sometimes but it does get better.  I had a pretty painful experience with my X this weekend and yesterday I was a total mess again.  Could not get it together.  Could not stop crying.  Was helped greatly by Patient and Clear.  She's a wonder.  But today is better.  And three or even two months ago the next day wouldn't have been this much better.  It's progress.  Every day is progress.  And it's really not about them... .it's about us.  And how we react to them and how we grieve and how we move on.  Keep climbing.

[leftbehind]

Thanks so much for the links, Patientandclear.  I will definitely check into it.  I hope you're doing well - you've helped me so much in the last few months

Emelie Emelie, thank you for your post.  Today was a pretty good day for me.  I feel like I was able to purge another layer of the pain in the last few days, and start to accept that it's really over between us.  For myself I know I can't be in touch with my ex.  It would destroy me, so I choose me over him - or my mental health over my love for him.  I know everyone has to make their own choice with regard to this.  I just have to say that the way he ended it and acted afterward was so incredibly disrespectful that I feel I would be betraying myself by staying in touch on the level he would like.  He wants me to pretend everything is fine, like we're "buds."  I say, eff that!  I refuse to be complicit in his attempts to diminish what we had, and in who I am as a woman.

Today I cleaned my house, not top to bottom, but it's better than when I started.  Thank you for reminding me to keep climbing.  I hope things get easier for you as well

[Emelie Emelie]

So funny.  Mine needs to be "buds" too.  He can't handle me not thinking he's a good guy.  That's what most of our conversation was the first couple of months.  The last month or so it's been more complicated than that.  He started really reaching out... .I responded.  That hasn't gone so well for me. I still love him very much but I'm getting tired of validating him all the time and getting hurt in the process. 

May things get easier for both of us.