I cant stand anymore

[Ellia]

Hello

My mother has borderline perdonality disorder. I grew up with her having rage attacks and yelling us. My sister died when I was 14 and I am now the only child.

The fact is that I do not want to be around my mother anymore. I cant stand her agression, lies and manipulation and projections. She also threatens me in different ways. I wish I could participate in one of those programs that people change their identity and address só that my mother would not call me 10 times a day

[ambi]

Hi Ellia:

  I am sorry for the loss of your sister.  Everything fell to you after that.  It sounds very painful with your mother. 

The senior members at [L5]  Coping and Healing from a BPD Parent, Sibling, or Inlaw Board have similar experiences to what you describe.  They'll be able to give you support and insight.  It's a really safe place to share your experiences and move forward to where you want to go.

I wish you well on your journey.

ambi

[GeekyGirl]

Hi Ellia,

Welcome!   I know what you mean about wanting to join the witness protection program sometimes. It can be overwhelming when you receive multiple phone calls every day, especially when you're the subject of threats and aggression. My mother also has BPD, and I know how difficult it can be to grow up with a mother who rages.

How often are you around your mother? Do you have anyone to help support you, such as a therapist, other family members or close friends? Just having someone to to talk to can make a big difference.

Hang in there, and as ambi said, there are a number of members here who understand what you're going through, as many of us also have mothers with BPD.

-GG

[Ellia]

Thank you GG and Ambi

I am not around her very much but in the last two days she has called me 14 times

She does not depend on me for money but she says that if I "abandon" her she will have me arrested since she is 67 and it would chatacterize  abandonment or that she would give all her money to nuns and church.

She always finds a way to manipulate me. She tells other peoples lies to sustain her behaviors.

I am tired and I dont want to have a relationship with her anymore.

[GeekyGirl]

That does sound like it would be frustrating. It's very hard when someone uses emotional blackmail--my mother has said/done similar things and I know how exhausting that can be.

Have you had a chance to check out any of the lessons here? One that has really helped me is SET (Support, Empathy, Truth): TOOLS: S.E.T. - Support, Empathy and Truth. It's a good tool to use to validate your mother's feelings but also set some boundaries with her. I also recommend to any child of a BPD mother the book Understanding the Borderline Mother, which explained why my mother behaves the way she does in a way that amazed me.

Sometimes it's good to take a time out. What would happen if you suggested to your mother that you need a break from talking on the phone for a few days?