I have to stop caring - NOW

[twojaybirds]

a catch up

2 weeks ago she breaks her foot... I go to her college... .    take her to Dr... .    fill her dorm with food

she spends the next week hysterical posting about what a "b" I am   how I don't f'ing  care... the psychosomatic pain shes in... for a week she verbally  harasses me through fb/text/phone messages even calling my friends at 5 and 6 in the morning hysterical ( I mostly kept my phone off and did not respond)

on Wednesday her flip switches and she calls all happy chatty girl  and what great friends etc.

I go to school and take her back to the ortho dr for her cast to be put on on Thursday then let her come home for the weekend to rest and recoup.

Well here it is Sunday and time for her to go back to school.  One hour ago she was said how her goal is to do well this semester so she can transfer to a different school next year.  All I do is validate.  So now it is time to leave and she doesnt want to go.  I am clear... I'd love to take you back to school  (100 miles round trip)  that was the deal for you to rest this weekend... You have a great goal you set for yourself and can acheive... iI am glad your pain is gone... .  all this poistive affirmation

nope I hate school and not going back

well since you aren't in therapy then you cant stay here (it has been one year since she quit therapy)

I got the eye roll and some nasty remark

her final option was.

I am not going to school and I'm leaving since I cant stay here. 

And she walked out without her crutches, (of course she is  not supposed to put weight on her foot) no coat and no money in her purse.

I am so sad but trying to move on with my day and have turned off my phone.

It has been over a month of these extreme quick cycles.  I am exhausted

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[pessim-optimist]

  sell the house, move half a world away, and leave no forwarding address!   

I am SO sorry to hear your struggles, ugh, do they try to make us guilty... .  

You are right, do something good and relaxing for yourself, take a bath or something that works for you.

And then, when your d comes home, hopefully you will have the energy to validate and offer help without rescuing... .  

We're here   , keep us posted!

 

[jellibeans]

I have to ask... .  how did she break her foot?

I am dealing with something similar to this right now... .  how to stop caring about their school, their education and future... .  it is a bottomless pit where I know I have a hole forming in my stomach from shear worry... .  

Is it a control thing... .  I ask myself... .  who is driving the bus here? She should be in the driver seat but she is a disgruntled passenger throwing nails from the back seat under the bus... .  it is not how it should be... .  

Is college too much for her? When she says she wants to finish the year then go to a better college next year is that what she thinks you want to hear? I think you did good setting down the boundaries. Hopefully she finds her way back to school. My dd will say things at times that she thinks I want to hear. When she is in the rare state of trying to please.

I am sorry to say I have no real advise for you... .  I feel your pain and frustration. Take a breath and wait. Let her try and figure it out herself.   

[lbjnltx]

2jay,

So hard to deal with the rollercoaster behaviors and emotions... .  It can wear us down with worry and fear.

I know it is difficult when in the midst of a crisis ... .  can you remind yourself that this is just one day and she is likely to change her mind tomorrow or the day after... ?

Try not to attach too much to any one event. We can fall into the all/nothing thinking trap with them.  

Stay in the moment as best you can.   

lbj

[twojaybirds]

She broke her foot jumping roping in the gym with some friends which I confirmed

She picked this school and some days hates it and everyone and other days is going to be involved in everything and has applied for one of their study abroad programs for next year.  Her other list of school choices goes from Seattle to Long Island to Arizona depending upon who knows what.

Well the empty suicide  threats... circling the house hobbling on her foot I gave in and drove her to school in silence.   It was horrible.

I had to bite my tounge as I wanted to tell her I am tired of the empty suicide threats so next time do it or don't mention it.  

Then I stopped for a margarita and salad and m home quietly watching the Grammys.