Just how real was my marriage? feeling like it didn't happen

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hi All

Just over 4 weeks since my uBPDh left our home.   had asked him to leave following 21 months of abuse which then was directed at and played out in front of and towards my son.  that was enough - it is a completely new ball game when that happened.

I had been involved in family get togethers, meals out, celebrations etc with his family.  before he went on a few occaisions we both talked to his parents,  a few days before he left I spoke to his parents,  his mum agreed that it wasn't fair on my son   but   his father didn't want him back with him.

His mum agreed he should leave and that we would stay in contact as he was going to be assessed by doctors and start a course of therapy.

I had to go to a solicitor because uBPDh had asked me for money (he wasn't working)  couple of weeks into that process  a letter from his solicitor asks to postpone proceedings because of his health and financial diffculities... .  he wanted something from me and he wanted it fast   but this was a turn around.

on top of that no one from his family has contacted to ask how I am doing,  his mum has said she won't talk to me at the moment but she will later,    uBPDh didn't answer my text asking how it was going with doc's,   his family know my feelings and hopes  but none of them think to contact his wife to let her know what is happening.

did our marriage mean so little to him,  to his family?  I sometimes feel like it didn't happen or wasn't real.

Is this normal  (even my solicitor finds it bizarre) 

[heavenward]

Hi All

Just over 4 weeks since my uBPDh left our home.   had asked him to leave following 21 months of abuse which then was directed at and played out in front of and towards my son.  that was enough - it is a completely new ball game when that happened.

I had been involved in family get togethers, meals out, celebrations etc with his family.  before he went on a few occaisions we both talked to his parents,  a few days before he left I spoke to his parents,  his mum agreed that it wasn't fair on my son   but   his father didn't want him back with him.

His mum agreed he should leave and that we would stay in contact as he was going to be assessed by doctors and start a course of therapy.

I had to go to a solicitor because uBPDh had asked me for money (he wasn't working)  couple of weeks into that process  a letter from his solicitor asks to postpone proceedings because of his health and financial diffculities... .  he wanted something from me and he wanted it fast   but this was a turn around.

on top of that no one from his family has contacted to ask how I am doing,  his mum has said she won't talk to me at the moment but she will later,    uBPDh didn't answer my text asking how it was going with doc's,   his family know my feelings and hopes  but none of them think to contact his wife to let her know what is happening.

did our marriage mean so little to him,  to his family?  I sometimes feel like it didn't happen or wasn't real.

Is this normal  (even my solicitor finds it bizarre) 

[Rose Tiger]

I felt that it was real to me.  I think that ex entered into the marriage contract but was unable to meet the basic requirements.  Love?  Nope.  Cherish?  Nope.  Honor?  Nope.  These are not skills that he has, people that are mentally incompetent are not held to contractual agreements.  Ex did not have the skills to be a spouse.

It's hurts to not have the in laws showing any concern.  Mine are as dysfunctional as he is, did you see any dysfunction with your's?

[heavenward]

Hi RoseTiger

No I didn't see any dysfunctiality in my in-laws.  uBPDh's father was not pleased with me that I asked uBPDh to leave,  to the point he clearly stated that he didn't want his son back living with him.

apart from that they involved me in the family things - get togethers, meals out etc.  and the very fact that his mum stated that uBPDh staying at my home was unfair on my son because of ubph's behaviour and that we should keep in touch   and doesn't want to at the moment?

maybe I was expecting to much   but its hard when I have supported uBPDh emotionally and financially for quite some time     and then  it turns out  they know he can be 'difficult'         to get nothing from them is so hard.

Im left wondering is he ok?  how is therapy going?  etc

its just all a bit bizarre.

[Rose Tiger]

That is a head scratcher.  You may have been lied about by your husband to your in laws.  They do tend to paint a rather dramatic view of the partner to others.  I can imagine what ex has told his parents, well, actually I can't but I'm sure it wasn't good. 

[apple]

I think I know what you mean... .  

I think mine was all a bunch of bull~ and if I could do an eternal sunshine of the spotless mind and erase the last 8 years of my life i would without hesitation.

The prices that I have paid   is not worth this knowledge or the experience. I would give it all back if I had the choice.