I'm having a weak moment.

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

For whatever reason, I'm having a really weak moment right now.  I want to reach out to my ex through a text or e-mail.  Hold up a white flag.  I've been NC for a couple of weeks now.  She has:

Allowed her daughter to call me twice.

Called into my office once (to explain the first time her daughter called)

Mailed me a check with a balance she owed me (dated Valentine's Day); I received it yesterday (only takes one day for mail to run between us).

This is the absolute longest time we've gone with this little contact.

I'm not going to contact her - but the urge to do so is very strong, I won't deny it.

She wanted a break.  I calmly suggested a break-up.  I know I deserve better than what I was getting in the relationship.  I am working on me.  I've been in T for a couple of months now (I think it's what gave me the strength to go NC to date and make it this long).

But for some reason (maybe because I'm really tired at the moment), I am missing her terribly this morning.

[recoil]

For whatever reason, I'm having a really weak moment right now.  I want to reach out to my ex through a text or e-mail.  Hold up a white flag.  I've been NC for a couple of weeks now.  She has:

Allowed her daughter to call me twice.

Called into my office once (to explain the first time her daughter called)

Mailed me a check with a balance she owed me (dated Valentine's Day); I received it yesterday (only takes one day for mail to run between us).

This is the absolute longest time we've gone with this little contact.

I'm not going to contact her - but the urge to do so is very strong, I won't deny it.

She wanted a break.  I calmly suggested a break-up.  I know I deserve better than what I was getting in the relationship.  I am working on me.  I've been in T for a couple of months now (I think it's what gave me the strength to go NC to date and make it this long).

But for some reason (maybe because I'm really tired at the moment), I am missing her terribly this morning.

[fakename]

hey recoil,

that happens. and some days are better for me than others. and i know what you mean by we never went this long without contact. for me, that started out with 2 days of NC and that was a few times after a breakup. then it went to weeks, and then months, and it seems to keep getting extended after any following break ups.  she thinks i'll just keep taking her back, while she can do whatever she wants. but this time i'm standing up for myself and maintaining my boundaries. its time i respect myself

even though i'm still undecided, i know that i have to stand my ground and hold up my values and how i deserve to be treated.  bottom line is i dont think my ex offers me that no matter how much i miss whatever we had when we were together. 

my ex thought it was ok to date others when she had me, or even break up to date others. thats not how i deserve to be treated, especially when i dont treat her like that.  regardless of the confusion going on in her mind, thats not my responsibility.

when i'm feeling down, i come onto the site and read posts or do something good for myself like exercise. it helps and as the days pass, i'm closer to knowing what i want and deserve and how i treat myself and allow others to treat me

[chuckstrong]

Dude

I feel the same way and its only been since Friday night. Please read the message you sent me and try and heed your own advice. Its so so brutally

hard but you know you will feel worse after the immediate relief and you will

have to start the process all over again. Hang in there man. You can do this. Read some 2010 posts over again too that should help. I am this close to texting her too cause I'm starting a new job tomorrow and feel like I need her

feedback/support but I'm trying so hard not to do it.

Chuck

[fakename]

Chuck, good luck with your new job.

Is it possible that you think that you need your Ed's feedback on the job only cause you want to show her how you have a new job and good things are coming and so you think she'll try harder to make things work between you guys?

The only person you need is yourself in my opinion. If I wa starting a new job I would want to focus on that and not have the stress and drama that comes with my ex involved. I would want a clear head.

[chuckstrong]

Fakename

I know what you mean... .  im torn... .  want to go into it with a clear head but we have had pretty much daily communication for 1.5 months now so im worried ill be less focused if i'm in the start of another NC period vs at least getting some "relief" from a little if only "pals" communication. Wavering moment by moment right now if I should text her or call her or not. Its

a brutal addiction.

[oletimefeelin]

Dude

I feel the same way and its only been since Friday night. Please read the message you sent me and try and heed your own advice. Its so so brutally

hard but you know you will feel worse after the immediate relief and you will

have to start the process all over again. Hang in there man. You can do this. Read some 2010 posts over again too that should help. I am this close to texting her too cause I'm starting a new job tomorrow and feel like I need her

feedback/support but I'm trying so hard not to do it.

Chuck

Chuck,

Remember Chuck is strong and doesn't need her support!  You're looking for something from someone who can't give it to you.  I am sure there are people out there that will support you.  Anyone but her. 

Recoil,

If you have the urge to contact her, save it for a time when she's more straightforward. Should you choose to respond to her using the daughter as a proxy and the like, well you're just encouraging more of the same. 

I drew a hard line with my ex, but if she ever came to in some genuine fashion I'd likely hear her out.

[fakename]

Chuck.

When I gave up alcohol, in the beginning my mind would try to trick itself into why I wanted a drink.

You don't need her. You just need to do good things for yourself. Go exercise for 15 mins or something. Create new habits and routines.

[chuckstrong]

WOW

It sure feels like I need a drink that's for sure. But you are right. I don't need her. I'm going to the library and read some then to the gym. It doesn't seem she's that interested in what's going on with me anyway. Even when it was "good" it was pretty much all about her. That has not changed. Thanks for the support. You guys are awesome.

Chuck