Triangulation between parent and BPD son and nonBPD daughter

[MammaMia]

My children, dBPDs 38 and his nonBPD sister 41 cannot communicate with each other.  My daughter prefers to tell me things and have me pass them on to her brother.  If her "message" gets changed in any way, and I have to relay that change to dBPDs, he then becomes angry at me and suggests she and I are conspiring against him.  Then they are both angry at me.  

I have told my nonBPDd that this HAS to stop.  I will no longer be a party to this.  She says BPDs will not return her calls and nothing gets accomplished without my intervention.  

I have repeatedly told her to leave messages on his phone or put her thoughts in writing and send them to him.  He will not give her his e-mail address because she gave his previous e-mail address and phone number (without his permission) to someone he did not want to have it. HUGE blowup.  Now he does not trust her to do anything he asks.

I have given my nonBPDd information on how to communicate with her brother, but she thinks it is stupid and he is being treated like a child... .  therefore, he is receiving favoritism.  She just does not understand how very different his thought processes are from hers.  Not sure she ever will,  

even tho I have tried to educate her on BPD.  She says the entire "BPD illness" is just his way of getting more of my attention.

Anyone out there dealing with this issue and if so, any suggestions?

[P.F.Change]

You do not want to be the go-between and pass messages back and forth for your children. Very good. They are middle-aged adults and need to figure out their relationship on their own. You can have a relationship with each of them even if they do not have a relationship with each other. You don't have to try to fix it or get anyone to understand anyone else. Those things you can't control. You can only control whether you take care of you.

Wishing you peace,

PF

[MammaMia]

PF

That is EXACTLY what I have told my daughter.  Thank you for validating my viewpoint.

I love them both but their relationship (or lack of) is their responsibility.

[MaybeSo]

Agreed: step- off the triangle... .  don't even try to argue, justify or explain yourself anymore... .    or try to get them to do see the light or to stop or start anything... .  focus only on that which you have control over, yourself.