Long ride home

[laelle]

After 10 days in the hospital having surgery, I made my 12 hour day of trains back home.  I was exhausted leaving the hospital yesterday morning, and nothing went right, I mean nothing.  The nurses were suppose to have me ready and they werent, so the cab guy had to wait which meant I was being charged for it and I didnt have enough to pay for it.  I ran out the door with out any food or pain killers  I was in anger tears.  This is one of those moments when you really need that person in your life to support you.

LOL, didnt happen... .  I cried to my bf about it, and he laughed and said at least things are ok now. I emailed him back and said that I wasnt laughing.

He mailed me back and said I should have managed my money better and should have prepared better.    What the heck?

I answered back that I did exactly as was asked of me and,  I thanked him for his vote of confidence in me.  

I got back the most hilarious email ever... .  This email use to be one that would break us up and now I just giggled.

He basically told me its not his fault I messed things up (true, he didnt) and when I can stop being a moody ass btch to email him.  I emailed back ok.

I actually did wait until I had calmed down and when I emailed him the next time I was NOT a moody btch.  It doesnt mean that I agree with him, but heck it was a simple request that I was all too happy to oblige.  

He was there for me night and day by phone, email, skype through all of it, thats whats important. 

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[laelle]

I thought OMG, he just detached with love.   

[Grey Kitty]

Sorry to hear about the ordeal, but at least it is over

Then there is the good part Look at what you both did! Took a difficult situation and allowed it to defuse.

More and more I see it more important to recover from problems well than to avoid problems. There will always be issues and problems. If you both find a way to move on, avoid a huge fight/rage, allow each other some time to cool off... .  and then get back to life together after it is all done, that sounds GREAT!

[laelle]

Thank you Grey Kitty, 

I agree it was a little rough around the edges, but the mechanics of it were sound.  He couldnt handle me atm so I went and had a chat with a friend.  To me it was actually amazing that at my physical and mental worse, I knew exactly how to handle it and laughed about it.  There are always two sides to a story, and maybe from his perspective I was coming off aggressive at him and he chose to detach to keep from raging at me.  I love him for that.

When he told me to contact him when I was in a better mood, it was the signal that its ok to detach.

I did not make things worse by JADING

I agreed to take the cooling off period, and I used that time to talk to a friend who could offer me the comfort I needed.

I came back when I was ready, and we continued on. It was no longer emotionally charged and if we had decided to, we could have joked about it.  It wasnt even important enough to me to address it.

I agree wholeheartedly that knowing how to speak your feelings and then being able to defuse if the direction takes a bad turn is a key skill in dealing with an emotionally charged situation.

[patientandclear]

Laelle, welcome back, I've missed you!

Glad you are fundamentally OK, sorry it was hard physically & logistically, and as usual, I am full of admiration for your ability to thread your way through things that would trigger most of us and get around that corner to a better place.  Your guy is very lucky.

I agree he handled it pretty well.  You definitely handled it well.

[laelle]

Hello Patient,

Thank you so much for the well wishes, I have missed you dearly.

Forgive me if im a bit less chatty today, I woke up really tired and not well.  Getting emails from him saying he is fed up about something or another. I dunno.  All is usual I guess for a tuesday morning.  He will have to deal with it this morning, I need to take care of me.  He will just have to let my  be enough sympathy for the moment. To fake it would only make it worse.

Trust me hun, I get triggered... .  all the time.  This is when I (try)to use mindfulness.  Why am I sad or angry?  Get to the root of the problem.

Understand and love yourself.  Its ok that your sad or angry.  Your allowed to be.  You dont have to be emotionally perfect.  Take an outside perspective (as if they werent your feelings) Get rid of victimization tendencies if you have them (I do)  Wash it all out and see what you come up with.  It may just be your tired and overly sensitive. What can you do about your anger or sadness?

When you get your root problem, then ask yourself what does your bf (or the person who is involved) have to do in that?  Not that he could of or should have done something, because as you know you cant control another person, but what were they realistically responsible for?

Im my situation, he was only responsible for being an ass, but LOL, I knew that already.