Directions Hearing - update

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

We had the directions hearing - telephone conference from my Lawyer's office, on the phone with BPD/Nxh's Lawyer and the Judge.

They blocked photocopying police record of BPD/Nxh to provide to Family report writer and Forensic Psychologist, but the Magistrate ordered the 2 lawyers to do some work together for agreement on notes.

The two lawyers will head to court to take notes that don't "negatively impact BPD/Nxh and help me". The notes will then be provided to the forensic psychologist to provide an addendum to his report, based on facts, not just BPD/Nxh's words, which will be provided to the family report writer to make a recommendation about custody issues going forward.

BPD/Nxh's Lawyer asked my Lawyer if I was always going to be so obstructive and not accept the expert opinion of the report writer. My Lawyer told her that given BPD/Nxh has a history of not being truthful and minimising the events that happened, it is necessary to question the validity of the report given the report writer seemed to take BPD/Nxh at his word, and didn't read or refer to the factual police evidence in his report to validate his claims, or not.

I question the ethics of the legal profession. I can't help it. It's infuriating that in the face of evidence, they still can't see past the money in front of their client. BPD/Nxh has found a "good" lawyer who is keen to do whatever she can to keep the money rolling in.

Why is it that BPD/N's can seem to have all the luck in the world. I know that charm is necessary for them to balance the evil underneath, but it seems they can just get away with so much, and it's up to me to protect the kids. I wish I could wipe him out of my memory, but with kids, it's obviously impossible, and there's too much present and future stuff to deal with.

I wish he would run out of steam.

[Forward2free]

We had the directions hearing - telephone conference from my Lawyer's office, on the phone with BPD/Nxh's Lawyer and the Judge.

They blocked photocopying police record of BPD/Nxh to provide to Family report writer and Forensic Psychologist, but the Magistrate ordered the 2 lawyers to do some work together for agreement on notes.

The two lawyers will head to court to take notes that don't "negatively impact BPD/Nxh and help me". The notes will then be provided to the forensic psychologist to provide an addendum to his report, based on facts, not just BPD/Nxh's words, which will be provided to the family report writer to make a recommendation about custody issues going forward.

BPD/Nxh's Lawyer asked my Lawyer if I was always going to be so obstructive and not accept the expert opinion of the report writer. My Lawyer told her that given BPD/Nxh has a history of not being truthful and minimising the events that happened, it is necessary to question the validity of the report given the report writer seemed to take BPD/Nxh at his word, and didn't read or refer to the factual police evidence in his report to validate his claims, or not.

I question the ethics of the legal profession. I can't help it. It's infuriating that in the face of evidence, they still can't see past the money in front of their client. BPD/Nxh has found a "good" lawyer who is keen to do whatever she can to keep the money rolling in.

Why is it that BPD/N's can seem to have all the luck in the world. I know that charm is necessary for them to balance the evil underneath, but it seems they can just get away with so much, and it's up to me to protect the kids. I wish I could wipe him out of my memory, but with kids, it's obviously impossible, and there's too much present and future stuff to deal with.

I wish he would run out of steam.

[stuckinbetween]

I completely sympathize, Kormilda.  Sometimes you feel like throwing in the towel in disgust and despair.  Be very kind to yourself and remember to keep documenting and do not give up.  Some day, he will run out of steam.

Stuckinbetween

[stuckinbetween]

And remember your xh is not really winning over the long haul.  Eventually he will lose everything.  The universe inevitably balances things out.  We understand and empathize.  He's outnumbered!

Hugs,

Stuckinbetween

[Forward2free]

Family report tomorrow, can't say I am looking forward to it. Nothing quite like having to defend wanting to keep sole custody and keeping open minded about solutions to let the non-custodial parent have more time. I wish it was easier. I still feel like BPD/Nxh can harm me so much more under his guise that he agrees I am a good mother.

The forensic psychologist completed his updated report on Friday for BPD/Nxh to include the police report. I haven't seen it yet, but the family report writer will by tomorrow, or so I am told.

They also provided my police record which consists solely of the statement of BPD/Nxh's ex girlfriend accusing me of stalking, violence, threats to kill etc etc. All unfounded and the police had said there wasn't any evidence to charge me and they agreed with my version of events, including a tape recording which contradicted her version of the conversation. They also said that they believed it was BPD/Nxh who had committed the attacks etc.

However, it still makes it sounds like a am crazy. I did admit to calling her 78 times in 13 months - but most calls where BPD/Nxh using my phone, but I can't prove that either.

I am so glad he is out of my life at this point. I just want to protect my kids so that they don't need to deal with the crazy-making disordered angry emotional and manipulative person that they don't know yet... .  Well, they know the manipulative one.

The questionnaire asked what I'd be willing to change. I said he could have extended time during the day and/or Skype calls during the week. I hope that's enough... .  

Has anyone had a similar experience where this was enough?

[Forward2free]

Just heard that the family report has been cancelled for tomorrow, she is in court and will be there again tomorrow.

I know these things happen for a reason... .  I wonder how BPD/Nxh will react?