Advice in cleaning up reputation

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Part of my work involves family court (ironic, eh?).  I just got a call today from an attorney as a "professional courtesy" letting me know that there is a rumor floating around the legal world that I have been sleeping with attorneys.  It is simply not true, and it is clear who started that rumor (BPD mom has been the one sleeping with attorneys, and she very likely got her slimey attorney to propagate that rumor about me).  She has tried to hurt my professional reputation by accusing me of abusing their kids and now this.

To me there is that fine line between "thou doth protest too much" and denying it.  Anyone who knows me fairly well knows the rumor is as preposterous as saying I have three heads.  But as I am trying to work more with attorneys, I don't want this to hurt my career.  Any ideas?

[sanemom]

Part of my work involves family court (ironic, eh?).  I just got a call today from an attorney as a "professional courtesy" letting me know that there is a rumor floating around the legal world that I have been sleeping with attorneys.  It is simply not true, and it is clear who started that rumor (BPD mom has been the one sleeping with attorneys, and she very likely got her slimey attorney to propagate that rumor about me).  She has tried to hurt my professional reputation by accusing me of abusing their kids and now this.

To me there is that fine line between "thou doth protest too much" and denying it.  Anyone who knows me fairly well knows the rumor is as preposterous as saying I have three heads.  But as I am trying to work more with attorneys, I don't want this to hurt my career.  Any ideas?

[Matt]

What about making it super-clear to the attorney who called you that it's not true, since that's who has heard it.  And then forget about it, unless someone else brings it up.

I'm not saying that will kill the rumors, only that it's a practical thing you can do.  Beyond that - like raising the issue with anybody else - it's probably "doth protest too much".

[ForeverDad]

"I'm sorry, you've confused me with my husband's ex-wife.  Is there anyone I should call to ensure this ridiculous rumor doesn't get out of hand?"

[sanemom]

I feel better about things... .  I DID make it super clear to the attorney who told me that it was false.  I hope he didn't think I was overdoing it because I was shocked about the rumor (I should not have been, I guess).  I also let dh's attorney know (since I was probably said to have been sleeping with him) and he did some investigation which, indeed, linked the rumor to BPD mom's attorney.

Then I just let my close coworkers know who would vouch for me so they can keep their eyes and ears open.  I also am good friends with the wife of one of the judges, and she let her husband know so if he hears something, he can vouch for me. 

I am pretty sure that is all I can do.

Just crazy how she can do this.

[Matt]

I wonder if DH's attorney could call or e-mail Ex's attorney:

"Ms. Sanemom was told that a rumor is being spread about her.  I did some checking and found that it's you who is spreading the rumor.  That is unethical.  I will advise my client about bringing it to the attention of the judge and/or the state bar association.  If necessary, I could subpoena the people who told me, and prove that you have been spreading false rumors about my client.  I would strongly suggest that you stop that behavior immediately."

[sanemom]

I wonder if DH's attorney could call or e-mail Ex's attorney:

"Ms. Sanemom was told that a rumor is being spread about her.  I did some checking and found that it's you who is spreading the rumor.  That is unethical.  I will advise my client about bringing it to the attention of the judge and/or the state bar association.  If necessary, I could subpoena the people who told me, and prove that you have been spreading false rumors about my client.  I would strongly suggest that you stop that behavior immediately."

That would work except that the attorney who helped her spread that rumor has since fired BPD mom (his license is already suspended due to ethical issues, according to avvo).  Her current attorney is a different one who lives and works 150 miles away from here so I am not worried about him spreading rumors.

[tog]

I think you did what you can, now hold your head up high and go about your business. The people who know you will say, "Sanemom? Never."

And warn your boss.

[sanemom]

Any great ideas for what to do (if anything) if I run into that lawyer who spread the lies?  I know who he is... .  

I work in a small enough area that it is likely I will be seeing the GAL and the lawyer again, which makes it frustrating as I have lost all faith in both of them.

[Rose1]

You could raise it - after all in a small town I assume they also don't want the reputation of being slanderers. Say it has come to your attention that he is spreading slander about you and that you expect that he goes back to the people he has done that with and point out that he was mistaken. You'd hate a mistake on his part to make him lose his reputation as having client confidentiality? Might be worth it.

[sanemom]

Just wanted to give a quick update:

I was concerned that I may have overreacted when the attorney let me know about this rumor (we will call him T), and thus looked guilty. 

Well, today T's son (also an attorney) called me with some more work.  I think I am going to take that as a sign that all is well.

[hell0kitty]

My ex husband was kind of famous. When we got married, there were several women who were not pleased that he was off the market. Since he was considered a public figure, our lives were good to gossip about.  About two months after we got married, I had a couple of women who were telling people I was having an affair with this guy and that.  (Of curse those guys were also kind of famous and in the same profession as my ex so people ate it up) 

At first I wanted to publicly deny everything.  I was completely freaked out because before I was married, no one really concerned themselves with my life, so the negative attention was freaky. 

I found the absolute BEST way to deal with it was to make jokes about it.  Someone would mention it, I'd laugh and say, "Could you imagine! Scandalous!"

and if that person came up in convo by someone I was pretty sure heard the rumor, I would joke, "Hey, did you hear I was having an affair with him?  I know, I was shocked too! It turns out, I'm quite slutty."  and we would all have a laugh.

Being able to just make a joke out of it seemed to make it go away.  and people lost interest in talking about me (until my divorce that is) I hope this helps! Good luck! I know how isolating rumors can make one feel.