Parenting a Child Who Has Intense Emotions - Pat Harvey ACSW

[ScarletOlive]

Parenting a Child Who Has Intense Emotions Author: Pat Harvey, ACSW, LCSW-C, and Jeanine Penzo, LICSW Publisher: New Harbinger Publications; 1st edition (November 1, 2009) Paperback: 224 pages ISBN-10: 1572246499 ISBN-13: 978-1572246492

Book Description
Parents often struggle with ways to help their children with intense emotions who have trouble regulating them. Many parents have heard that their child needs discipline or that their kid is just going through a phase and will grow out of it.  However, emotional dysregulation is a tendency to react intensely to situations other children take in stride. Frequently, parents are at a loss for what to do when their children engage in emotional and behavioral outbursts.

Parenting a Child Who Has Intense Emotions helps guide parents to de-escalate their child's emotions and help their child express feelings in a productive way. Pat Harvey and Jeanine Penzo offer effective strategies taken from dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), including validation and mindfulness techniques. These skills can come in handy when your child's emotions spin out of control.

Chapters:
1. Emotional Intensity and Your Child's Feelings
2. Effective Parenting
3. Understanding What Your Child Is Telling You
4. Responding When Your Child Is Overwhelmed by Emotions
5. Teaching Your Child to Manage Feelings
6. Behavioral Principles and Intense Behaviors
7. Maintaining Expectations, Limits, and Routines
8. Decreasing Tantrums, Aggression, and Other Problem Behaviors
9. School-Related Difficulties
10. The Impact of Intense Emotions on the Entire Family
11. Caring for Yourself and Living Your Life
Appendix: Resources for Parents

About the Authors
Pat Harvey has over 30 years experience as a clinical social worker and specializes in work with families and individuals with severe mental illness. She uses DBT Skills Training to aid parents, siblings, and family members of those who suffer from intense emotions/emotion dysregulation or mental illness. Pat also trains mental health professionals in the use of DBT philosophy and skills. She is co-founder of the Metro DC DBT Consortium, which utilizes clinicians from several private practices to collaborate and aid on difficult clients using DBT techniques.

Jeanine A. Penzo, LICSW, a licensed clinical social worker in the VA Boston Healthcare System, utilizes dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) skills in her work with spinal-cord-injured patients and their caregivers. Additionally, she is a teacher of elementary and middle school students. Jeanine also has personal experience with children as a mother of three, one of whom suffers from emotion dysregulation.

[qcarolr]

This book works for any family impacted by a child with intense emotions - it uses DBT principles applied in a practical, workbook style folowed by practical guidance in behavior changes. I have gone back to it over and over as things change in my home and my granddaughter grows up. My dh and I have had legal custody of her since she was a baby. Her dad effectively left when she was an infant. My BPDDD26 has been in and out of our home, and so often a traumatic influence on all of us.

When this book came up here for a review I went back and scanned through again. It applies now more than ever. My gd is almost 8 now, she was about 5 the first time I read this book. We are now into the homework struggles, the dx of ADHD and meds, an IEP at school just last month, more acting out behaviors as we are trying to be strong and courageous to  get DD out of our home again. She stuggles in making friends and keeping friends. And I find myself in a place of anger and resentment that I get to do this all again. Yet, with the learning in this book, and the motivation to practice practice the skills given, I think I can make a difference in my gd's life. She is not the same as her mom in so many ways - and I can teach her so many coping strategies that I was unaware of when DD was a child.

There are great examples and lists of activities and skills to help keep ourselves calm and focused as parents so that we can be there to calm and refocus our child -- and open up the opportunities to teach them the skills to do this for themselves. This is something I am finding in most of the parenting books I have read recently - the parents have to take care of themselves to be in a calm place BEFORE they can be effective with their kids. And so many of the skills our kids need to be successful as adults are learned from us.

I have suggested this book to other moms and have been rewarded with their success in keeping their kids in the home with siblings. And the skills work with all your kids - they are essential for success with the kids doing the best they can in such a difficult and painful place.

I look forward to hearing how others experience this book and its impact in their family.

qcr

[mamachelle]

This is a book which has given me so much guidance in the past few years. It is the only book that I have both downloaded as an ebook and also own a hard copy of. It's the only book that gave me hope that I could learn how to be a better parent for all my kids especially my emotionally dysrgulated ones.

What is wonderful about this book is that it grew out of a demand from other parents. Parents that were learning DBT skills for their teens asked the authors "WHY HAVEN'T I SEEN THIS INFORMATION BEFORE? "IT WOULD HAVE HELPED ME TO PARENT MY CHILD WHEN THEY WERE YOUNGER!"

The reality is, our children do not suddenly become troubled when they hit 13. These kids are already struggling with controlling their emotions from a young age.

The information out there is scarce and mostly useless on what to do with the kids that act out, the kids that act in, the kids that act fine in one setting and poorly in another. The kids that you fear might hurt themselves, you, a sibling, or another friend in a fit of rage or frustration.

This book also deals with the issues you encounter with teachers, therapists, your partner, extended family, blended families and all siblings as you try to find some balance for your child.

I also think it is a great book for all parents co-parenting with a BPD parent as many kids have   just from being with the other parent and learning their coping techniques.

I am a mom of 6, 3 step and 3 bio kids. 2 of my kids,  SS10 and SS15 suffer from severe emotional dysreg. Their Biomom suffers from BPD and Bipolar.They are 2 very different kids in terms of temprament and the way the ED manifests. One SS10 acts out at home and rarely at school. He has also started having somatic complaints and suicidal thoughts. The other SS15 acts out when under stress but mostly just acts in and no one knows what is going on until all explodes. Both of them need a lot of support in order to work through their emotions and my DH and I had to learn better ways to respond to their outbursts.

This book will give you guidance and is easy to read. My DH does not like to read these kind of books-- so I was able to just have him read a few key elements and he was able to start changing his responses as well. It takes time to learn but you will find that it will change the way you interact with all the difficult people in your life, not just the kiddos.

There are so many things about this book that make it accessible and real. The authors are not concerned with what your child's diagnosis is... .  if they are ADHD, ODD, Bipolar, Depressed, tourettes, autistic, asperger's, downs, gifted, golden, indigo, or pink. They are giving the best parenting advice and help I have seen for all kids really and believe me... .  as a mom of 6-- I've seen and read a lot.  

Download, buy, borrow, this book today if it even seems like you only  might need it. Give your therapist a copy. It's that good of a book.

mamachelle