The ice age is melting; am i rushing in?

[inepted]

So, after a rocky few weeks, the BPDexgf has started talking to me for the last few days, with her initiating contact. The black paint seemed to finally wash off me for the time being. She's been acting happy and we've been getting along. It seems leaving the door open worked, and she found her way back in, but Im starting to think about what happens next.

Personally Im starting to work out my own codependency issues I discovered I have. I do still want to work things out with her though, or at least try to. She is still in her self destructive spiral, and Im not sure if Im just being used right now, or if she's actually making a genuine effort to reconnect with me. Ive been keeping my responses somewhat short, and have been waiting for her to come to me. Maybe she's worried Im trying to detach? I dont know. When we weren't talking, Ive emailed her a couple times to also express that I still love her, and would gladly talk when she's ready. When we broke up, she told me she still wanted to be friends. But looking back the last few weeks she acted so cold; the way she treated me, she hasn't been a friend.

So why would I want to still work things out? Ive been giving this some thought. She's high functioning and realizes she does have a problem, and she is working on it. Well, she was anyways. She's doing her DBT classes and therapy sessions, but she hasnt gone to therapy for the last two weeks. She's incredibly impatient about it. In her mind, just because she feels better right now, she thinks she IS magically better. But the key is, I do believe we can make it work, and I want to be supportive. At least 85% of the time in the relationship, we were happy together. She wasn't abusive, and she was capable showing compassion. She was there if I needed her and she *was* someone I could depend on.

Im looking for opinions on how to proceed. Im still going to continue working on myself and my codependency issues. Ive also been working out and getting in shape, talking and reconnecting with friends and having fun. But, it still bothers me to be left in this sort of limbo with her. Since she has started to warm up, I still havent brought up our relationship status and what we're going to do. Im not sure what she feels, or if she even knows what she feels yet. Should I simply continue going on about my business and wait to see if she will ever bring up the topic? Or should I try and approach her on the subject? Or perhaps Im rushing into it. Im not sure.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[benny2]

I am kind of in the same boat. Me and my uBPD bf have been in LC since dec. He told me 4 days ago he wants to make this work and that was it. I asked him the other night if he was telling me he wants to be with me and he replied "maybe". Where does this leave me? I want to ask questions, but I am refraining for now. I don't want to push things, but on the other hand, I am sick of being bounced around like a rubber ball. Its so hard to know what is the right approach and what are they thinking.

[inepted]

I am kind of in the same boat. Me and my uBPD bf have been in LC since dec. He told me 4 days ago he wants to make this work and that was it. I asked him the other night if he was telling me he wants to be with me and he replied "maybe". Where does this leave me? I want to ask questions, but I am refraining for now. I don't want to push things, but on the other hand, I am sick of being bounced around like a rubber ball. Its so hard to know what is the right approach and what are they thinking.

Exactly. Im not sure if she's dysregulated at the moment, or if she's starting to think straight. We've been talking over skype again lately, and by her tone and body language I can tell she's feeling guilty and ashamed over something. But her words say "Im happy, everything is good!" When she's not. She's been sleeping in well past the afternoon. She even takes naps in the afternoon. She's mostly given up on getting a job. She's spending money she doesn't even have. She feels her own parents are ignoring her, when they're trying to help but dont even know what to do anymore.

It sucks watching her be off in her own little world, but I cant do anything. Ive been validating her feelings when she comes to me, and using the skills Ive been learning, and it seems like thats been allowing her to start feeling a little more open with me again. But then like i said, Im not sure if Im just being used. I think keeping up this charade is taking a lot of energy out of her and those cracks are starting to appear. She's not maintaining her new friendships and their starting to fizzle out, so perhaps shes just running back to what feels safe. I guess time will tell.