help for mother with what I think is BPD

[cwithers]

Hey, I am just starting here.

I am 46 and my mother has what I think is BPD.  SHe has most all the symptoms but she is functional to the outside world.  She is very verbally abusive and then denies it.  She is grossly self focused and cannot see anyones point of view other than her own and any other point of view is wrong and evil.

She blames my father for all the hurt and bad in her life.  And sometimes me.  She is also disabled from back problems so she needs our care many times daily.

I am at a loss as to function normally with her in my life.  I recently moved close to her (3.5 yr ago) to help with her medical issues.  And I have been horrified at the dynamic between her and my dad.  She controls EVRYTHING he does and criticizes constantly.

I'm just reeling from the awareness that this may never change and it is seeping into my life.  I have gained 35 lbs and have no friends because I have no energy after dealing with her.  My father is not allowed to have friends and he spends 24hr a day with her.  I am afraid he will die from the stress ( he has heart problems).

Has anyone learned how to put up boundries without having a week long "episode"?

[P.F.Change]

 

It is definitely exhausting having a parent with  BPD. You sound like a very compassionate person, and I understand why you are concerned about your dad. I'm actually more concerned about you, though. What are you doing to take care of you?

I wish I could tell you there was something you could do to change your parents' behavior... .  but reality is, we only have the power to change ourselves. You cannot stop your mother from throwing tantrums or getting mad, but you can choose to leave or hang up when she does. You cannot stop your father from putting up with behavior that is harming his health, but you can make different choices for yourself.

We have lots of members who know exactly what you're going through, and there are also many good articles and workshops. I really like the one about boundaries and values. I'm glad you joined and hope you will keep reading and posting.

Wishing you peace,

PF