extended family obligation/questions

[crazylife]

First, thanks to  all have posted here. While we dont all have the same specific challenges we do globally. I have felt more empowered and better about myself from reading all the great info and seeing what works. I have been wrestling whether I  should  leave and this is giving me strength to do it if I make that final decision.

So my complications are that my uBPDh has no family.I have a large one. He adores them all and is constantly doing things for them. He calls them all Aunt and Uncle,despite meeting them when he was 35.He also loves my kids for the most part... .  and HE WORKS FOR MY DAD... .  runs his business. I am concerned if I do leave, it will have a big impact on that. Plus if history repeats itself, he will drink heavily. So I somehow have to consider all that. My dad has informed me now is not  a good time for divorce, because he isnt capable of running things due to his age. ( I am over that by telling him he needs to find someone that will work for him and train them) Plus wit hthe drinking etc if I do leave, it leaves my 21 year old autistic son vunerable. Because he is soo white and spends time with hubby, I am not sure how this will affect my son. I know when he drinks he will trash me or whenever to whoever will listen.

In the  mean time I am taking a refresher course to get my nursing license back and trying to prepare myself to get a job with a regular income. I want to leave but my  family situation with my son and dad are my concerns.

My family all thinks he is wonderful and for a while my sister would tell him things I had told my mom in confidence and I would get abuse from silent treatment, rants and refusal to buy groceries for MONTHS. So I really cannot tell them my plans.

I am sure someone has had a similar issue with extended family. How did you handle it?