How long does it take to feel whole again?

[mango_flower]

Went out for the first big night out since we split (coming up for 5 months ago now)

I'm not a big party animal, nor was she.  We never really drank either.  But every month/two months we'd go out with a big group of friends for a really big night out and just have loads of fun - drinks, dancing, being silly, followed by a burger on the way home in the taxi.  Always fun.

Last night I went out for one of those nights. 

I've been to this place LOADS before I even knew she existed (when I was younger and used to go out more).  And only a few times with her.  So I thought it'd be fine.

And you know - it WAS fine.  I didn't burst into tears, I pasted a smile on my face, I chatted to new people, I danced.

But all the time it just felt strange, like I had part of me missing.  I didn't really get any enjoyment out of it.  Just felt like I was going through the motions.

I've said 100 times now that I do not want her back as the person she is now is not my sweet girl she once was. But I feel she has taken away my innocence about the world and the world just scares me to be honest. 

Maybe I have just outgrown going out for drinks and dancing.  But surely you think I'd enjoy just the time spent with friends? 

It's not that I even feel depressed.  Just empty, like the world has no point to being here. (Which I know is untrue and I feel awful for saying it when there are people dying of terminal illnesses etc)

Existential anxiety is what it feels like!

So yeah. Have any of you started enjoying life again, even from time to time?  How long did it take?

[laelle]

I'm not out there where you are yet Mango, but I have read loads of posts about "going through the motions" at about the same time frame as you are.  Based on that and the trauma of the relationship and breakup, I would say its completely normal.  You were in a relationship, you loved someone.  It doesnt just go away as you well know.  I think you are doing fantastic going out and living a little.  You know you have come out of a BPD crack addiction plus some PTSD as well al dealing with FOO issues... .   this is no small task.  Go easy on yourself.  You did great !



It takes as long as it will take to be whole again, but rest assured without all the drama and chaos, it will come.

[cal644]

I feel the same way ... .   I am a shell of who I used to be with my stbexw.  Going out with friends I still have a difficult time - especially the friends that were our "couple" friends.  I go through the motions but always find myself leaving early as the memories come back and make me feel empty.  I guess a part of it for me is that I truly beleive the two become one in marriage - so now a major part of me is missing.  :'(

[hithere]

5 months is not a long time, you will bounce back... .   keep trying and you will make it!

[blecker]

Untill you feel Love again.

When you Love someone again there will little room for melancoly and the hope for some kind of replay of what was before.

Make yourself available to the possibility of something new.

New Love has the same effect as cocaine on our brains.

[HarmKrakow]

I feel the same way ... .   I am a shell of who I used to be with my stbexw.  Going out with friends I still have a difficult time - especially the friends that were our "couple" friends.  I go through the motions but always find myself leaving early as the memories come back and make me feel empty.  I guess a part of it for me is that I truly beleive the two become one in marriage - so now a major part of me is missing.  :'(

I feel exactly the same, i've could have written it word for word. It makes you feel empty, and it's just weird. Because seeking replacement (new girl) isn't the answer. Before the girl I assume you felt 'whole' as well (purely a guess)