Arrrrggggg

[Foreverhopefull]

My dBPDh also has dysthymia, so he is very much wanting to die 24/7  :'(

Last night, I get home and he tells me he's been bleeding big time for the last 2 days and he has allot of pain in his stomach... .  That's not good at all and I start thinking that lately he got back into drinking daily and with his cancer cells in his stomach and his cirrhosis, this is extremely not good.

I call the emergency hotline and get confirmation of my thoughts... . ER NOW is all the person on the line is telling me and she is making me repeat it twice to make sure I got how much he needs to go.  So I tell him what she said and I get the beggining of a begging match... . I beg him to go to the ER VS Him begging me to wait till today. Of course, I don't win (I didn't expect to, but a girl can dream).

The thing I struggle the most with is his wish to die (even it's the worst pain anyone could have) versus trying to live life as it is full of adventures, some more challenging than other, but filled with amazing moments too. Last night, I knew very well that I would not get him to go to the ER without getting him upset or making him feel guilty about not going, I knew it would be the worst thing to force him into going... . but I want him to live... . at least give it a shot. So it was really a battle of death VS life... . knowing full well death will always have the most support.

My brain understand his explanations but my heart struggles and pushes me to fight for him. I feel like someone living with a loved one that has a terminal sickness (in a way, he does) and the loved one is refusing all treatments. How do you shield your heart from that kind of pain?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

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[waverider]

I hear your pain, I went though similar drama today. My partner has breast cancer stage 3C,  just had mastectomy and starts chemo tomorrow, and is going through melt down stage, saying she deserves to die etc. Abusing meds, doing everything unhealthy. I am not even sure she will get out of bed in the morning to go to the first chemo.

I do not know if she will beat this or not, but it makes me angry that she is not making the best of it even if she doesnt. She is already faking chemo side effects before she has even started.

I have my work cut out supporting the cancer problem, without having to deal with all the mental issues and OD's, self harm etc

[allibaba]

WOW.  You both have so much on your plates.   

I'm sending you postives thoughts and good vibes.   

[Rockylove]

my heart is out to both of you!  My fiance just signed his will.  He's decided he's going to die (has heart problems) and he asked me to "do him in" if he has a stroke that doesn't kill him.  This is difficult.  I'm not going to buy into the pity part of it, but the reality is that he could die any time.  I'm not wanting it... . I'm not ready for it, but I'm going to love him through it. 

[waverider]

Hypochondria has kicked in. As soon as she she had her first chemo treatment she developed every mentioned side effect instantly, to the point of calling ambulance and back into ER same day.

Don't know whats going to happen when it really kicks in

This is not going to be a pleasant time.

Going to be buy me an extra big tin of patience syrup.

[Grey Kitty]

Wave, can I make you a sunday to put under the patience syrup? I'm not sure if you want a denial cherry on top or not... .

Seriously, my heart does go out to both of you. It is hard to watch somebody in pain, and harder still to watch them make themselves suffer more.

 GK

[zaqsert]

Sending positive thoughts to you two from me too.