Bored

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Dont want him back.  I'd rather be bored and lonely than traumatized, but Oooh the boredom.

Yeah, I know its something I have to work on.  He has decided on what we do each day for so long, I dont know what to do. 

I am thankful that I am sitting here bored because it means I cared enough about myself to let it go.  I think I will go wash my hair. 

[laelle]

Dont want him back.  I'd rather be bored and lonely than traumatized, but Oooh the boredom.

Yeah, I know its something I have to work on.  He has decided on what we do each day for so long, I dont know what to do. 

I am thankful that I am sitting here bored because it means I cared enough about myself to let it go.  I think I will go wash my hair. 

[laelle]

Ok, thats done... . now what?   Guess I will go renew my warcraft account and kill things.

[Surnia]

Yes, its important to have new projects coming out of a co-dependent rs!

Perhaps you can make a list of things you would like to do.

[laelle]

Things to do:

Eat a peanut butter & chocolate easter bunny.     Done

[Blazing Star]

Hi Laelle,

I was in a similar spot a while ago, I felt lost. So I went out and bought a new notebook - lovely cover, bound beautifully and heavy cream paper, and I took myself on a cake date and I started writing lists - some "little pleasures" lists and some "things that I used to do that made me happy" lists and "treating myself well" lists.

It sounds simple, it was actually quite hard at first. But then I remembered things that I used to like doing, like going to small art galleries, people watching, writing letters the old fashioned way... . and I started doing some of these things. Some I found no longer had the same appeal, and some I still loved. It was a process of discovery. And now I have the note book of lists to turn to when I feel sad, lost or bored.

Could you take yourself back in time and ask yourself what your little pleasures are?

You could start by visiting yourself 5 years ago, then 10, take yourself back to aged 16 and then to 8. See what you come up with, and let us know.

Hope that helps.

Love Blazing Star

[laelle]

I do feel a little lost.  I have my french classes starting and plan to join the gym as soon as the doctor takes me off restriction.  Its a start.

[marbleloser]

I remember being in this place.The boredom was excruciating.Use this time to try new things.Read,paint,pick up a new hobby,or just get out and go shopping.Being around people helps too.Just conversing with strangers will lift your spirits.

Then,one day I accepted that I didn't HAVE to be doing anything.What's wrong with a little relaxing boredom?

[Surnia]

I think in the beginning is it like starting a huge van. It needs time and energy to start him moving. Perhaps you feel not enthusiastic in the beginning. There is a saying: appetite comes with eating.

What about changing something in your rooms? Balkony gardening? Walking until you are aloud to go to gym?

[laelle]

Thanks everyone.  Its easter as you know.  I live in france and all my family is in the usa.  Its just a bad day compounded by not having him here.  He was british and lived in spain so we kept each other company while everyone else got to be with their family.  During the week, I will be full up with appointments and classes.  Its just a bad day.

[Surnia]

So sorry, laelle. 

[laelle]

Thank you Surnia, I'll survive. 

[Cumulus]

Hi laelle, me too!  Except no Easter bunny. Darn, I wish I'd thought to pick one up.  So far today I read a couple chapters of a book, went for a 5k run, (a lot of world issues get solved when I'm running the roads, hope you get restrictions lifted soon), I talked to and texted a few family and friends who live away, made a pie, it was a disaster, and now I just want to nap but invited an older lady who also lives alone over for supper so will get my rear off this chair and get busy with dinner. Hope it turns out better then the pie. But you know underneath all the business is still boredom, I wonder if its not just another manifestation of loneliness.

[laelle]

Sounds great Cumulus... . I hope you have a lovely easter dinner. 

Loneliness i what got me here in the first place.  I am trying to make it without finding a person to fill that void.  I want to fill my own voids.  Peanut butter cup will have to do for today.

[P.F.Change]

Joyeuses Pâques!

Loneliness is hard. It isn't wrong to want other people in your life... .   that's pretty normal. I hope your new activities will not only help you occupy your time and mind but also provide some opportunities to build new friendships.

I love BlazingStar's list idea. I hope you'll keep sharing how things are going.

PF

[Finished]

Give it some time. It took me about a year to appreciate the value of solitude again.

Recently a friend of mine came to stay with me for a single night. I was so ready for him to leave. Not because I don't care for this person. He's a wonderful friend. But because I realized I've come to value my solitude. I value quiet. I value peace. I like my alone time again.

19 months ago the silence was deafening. Today it's peaceful.