I have to admit I'm stuck on this one right now. I've been triangulated in a situation with an ex wife for 1-1/2 years now. I've finally had enough. I finally see with eyes wide open all of the sheer manipulation. Really see it for what it is for the first time.
I've allowed myself to be kept in limbo over and over again. It's always gonna happen for us when ... . Now towards the end, the sweet wonderful person is gone whenever he wants to do something without me or a holiday comes up or he wants to spend time with mutual friends of the ex. The controlling and manipulative behaviors and impatience start, and he blows up about small things to keep me off balance. Distancing, deflecting, cutting remarks, backhanded compliments. Creating havoc, blaming me for it and then staying away until it's over and he wants to "make up". And yes I've become reactive and overly sensitive at this point and have played into it more times than I care to admit because I'm anticipating it.
(uhhmm yes today is the day after Easter where he spent his week-end "single" with his child and interaction with his ex). And I suddenly get a text about something bad happened in his life again and it makes him realize "how we just hurt each other and life is short and he just wants me to know he really loves me even though he doesn't want to"
I feel like I'm put in a "no win" situation. If I respond, he'll keep responding and try to suck me back in. If I ignore it, he'll keep texting and up the ante and tell me how rude I am. If I tell him what I think he'll start trying to engage me in a fight and tell me just how cynical I am.
I'd like to just respond neutrally and get him to stop, but I also have an overwhelming urge to make him aware I see his pattern and am just not falling for it anymore. I guess it's my own need for
[url=https://bpdfamily.com/content/communication-skills-validation]validation[/b][/url] to try to make him see it, or know I finally get it and am not stupid. Then I'm the bad guy and how dare I when he was just trying to send me a message making peace.
And yes, I've got to admit it's becoming too predictable and if he didn't send it I'd be sitting and wondering when he was going to (I NEVER initiate contact after he does this, EVER) ... . this sucks. If I'm too harsh or ignore him, then I end up feeling guilty.
We have mutual friends and he'll set himself up to play the victim to all of them and keep baiting me or trying to get them involved if I don't respond. I don't think my feelings for him will ever be the same, I'm moving on. Because of our mutual friends, I'd like to think we could be friends down the road when I've healed some and can't get sucked back in, that time isn't now though.
And I think this time his behavior needs a consequence instead of him talking and charming me back into some quasi relationship on his terms, only to think he can do it again. And I'm trying to assess my own motivations and not be vindictive.
Gawd I hate this and it's giving me anxiety, any ideas? Thoughts?
