Mixed thoughts - but moving forward?

[mango_flower]

I'm still stuck on a loop about how my ex-fiancee can just move on so quickly.

Somebody please remind me why... .  

I feel like her new relationship is going to work, and I know I should be happy for her, but if it works, it'll be such a blow to my self-esteem "I wasn't good enough" etc etc.

*sigh*

On the plus side, I am very much looking forward to moving to my new place and having a fresh start... .  

And GUESS WHAT?

I decided that the best gift I could give myself would be to do something that I would NOT have been able to do if I HAD got married a few months back as I was supposed to... .  

And that is -

To go abroad this summer as a volunteer in an African orphanage!

It's something I've always wanted to do, and I found out yesterday I have been accepted.

I think it will be life changing and put things into perspective... .  

I feel like I'm moving forward.  Yet I'm still trying to wrap my head around how I can have meant so little to her that she has moved on so quickly and is now engaged to somebody else... .   I'd have bet on my mother's life this would never have happened... .   how could she have loved me SO much (everyone who saw us said how much she adored me, it wasn't fake, nor an act), and then months later, forget I ever existed... .  

She has deleted all trace of our relationship off facebook, including her status the day we got engaged, so we've lost all the comments and well wishes from our friends... .   wow, it hurts being erased.  Why does she do that?

A mixed post.  All over the place.  Sorry!

[paperlung]

They move on so quickly because they can't be alone. When alone, they feel as if they don't exist or know who they really are so they need somebody to cling onto to feel whole again. Weird how fast she got engaged. Sounds kind of impulsive, but that's normal for a BPD, I guess.

Good on you for volunteering.