Full Blown recycle attempt

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I have posted here multiple times over the last 3 months.   I am 3 months separated currently from my uBPD wife.  I say uBPD but based on my wife's choice of words, I suspect that her therapist has indeed diagnosed the BPD.     I do not plan to go back to my uBPD wife.

She, on the other hand is making a direct attempt to win me back - to recycle me.  She has apologized for the way she treated me, and says she now realizes how much I have cared for her.  I read that to mean "how much I have supported her".  I have told her I will not subject myself to further unwarranted criticism for just being who I naturally am.  In other words, I have told her I am not about to change the essence of my being to suit her vision of what a good husband should be.

I cannot and will not go back to her.  I have felt twinges of guilt for this position though.   Therein lies the obstacle for me.

[Mike_confused]

I have posted here multiple times over the last 3 months.   I am 3 months separated currently from my uBPD wife.  I say uBPD but based on my wife's choice of words, I suspect that her therapist has indeed diagnosed the BPD.     I do not plan to go back to my uBPD wife.

She, on the other hand is making a direct attempt to win me back - to recycle me.  She has apologized for the way she treated me, and says she now realizes how much I have cared for her.  I read that to mean "how much I have supported her".  I have told her I will not subject myself to further unwarranted criticism for just being who I naturally am.  In other words, I have told her I am not about to change the essence of my being to suit her vision of what a good husband should be.

I cannot and will not go back to her.  I have felt twinges of guilt for this position though.   Therein lies the obstacle for me.

[laelle]

In other words, I have told her I am not about to change the essence of my being to suit her vision of what a good husband should be.

This is the truth to everything.  Great job at resisting the pressure your wife is putting on you.  I think as we build ourselves up and we get ourselves back, we wonder how we ever allowed someone to treat us that way.  Never again!

I wish I had realized all this 3 years ago and avoided alot of pain.

When I feel low, I try to think about how life would end up being with my ex if I went back.  Getting screamed at and demeaned.  Always wondering when he was going to crack.  Little to no intimacy, the inability to consider my wants and needs, give with little in return.