He has controlled me for far to long

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

And I allowed it. 

My ex uBPD husband of 15 years has controlled me our entire relationship, by bullying, guilting or seducing me into what he wanted.  Up until now even, he even has me protecting his mistress from finding out that he and I have been together even though she believe otherwise.  I don't know if I haven't said anything to protect the little but I have left with him, or maybe I'm afraid he will abandon our children if I piss him off.

Any advice would be helpful

[Lovingwife315]

And I allowed it. 

My ex uBPD husband of 15 years has controlled me our entire relationship, by bullying, guilting or seducing me into what he wanted.  Up until now even, he even has me protecting his mistress from finding out that he and I have been together even though she believe otherwise.  I don't know if I haven't said anything to protect the little but I have left with him, or maybe I'm afraid he will abandon our children if I piss him off.

Any advice would be helpful

[GreenMango]

FOG

Fear for the kids if he doesn't get his way?

Wanting good things for the kids is totally understandable.  You are the good thing for the kids.

[daze]

Your uBPDh has controlled your life during the whole r/s.  You are afraid he will abandon your children if you make him mad - that's a scary thought.

but I have left with him

Sounds like you've left him?  Did you take the kids?  Taking care of yourself is the top priority so that you can take care of the kids.  They need one healthy parent and that's you.

It sounds like you've been helping him hide your r/s from his mistress.  Are you still covering it up?  Does this make you angry?  I think it would me.  Sorry, I'm not clear on this.