not quite sure say

[csswift]

I was wondering if anyone out here might have some "inspirational advise" for me.  I have decided I am ready after the almost 3 years of dealing with my uBPD wife stuff and looking almost 13 years of marriage that I am ready to throw in the towel.  I am not angry at her anymore, just don't love her either.  I am scaried to death of the possibility of not getting to custody of my son.  (that is my greatest fear) Though I have talked to a lawyer that said I have a good chance of getting sole custody of him with the evidence I have of her hitting him and a recording of her raging at him and me both.  She is a teacher at his school and May 24th is his last day of school I am wanting not to have to take him out until then and with taken that long I go back and forth, because sometimes aren't very good and then some days aren't that bad.  Has anyone else been dealing with this state on ambivalence for very long?  I thought I would try to use this time to prepare but I am finding it difficult to do so.  My therapist said that I don't want to be the bad guy and that I am not a bad guy.  But it sure does feel that way.  I just want to protect my son, he is only 6 and I don't want him getting hurt anymore. Thanks for listen, I feel a little better letting that out. By the way if you haven't read any of my story I do have my son in therapy.  A close friend of mine is very concerned that he is 6 and already seeing a therapist and his mother still refuses to go to this therapist since my wife feels the therapist is out to get her. As always thanks for listening.