I was invited to my uBPDw counseling session...

[Depression = 72% of members]

I have been married to my uBPDw for 5 years. 

I know MC is not a good idea for most of us, but this is my story.  I first mentioned to my wife about 3 - 3 1/2 years ago about use seeking MC, she refused.   About 2 years ago, I pushed the subject a little bit, she refused so I started individual C, for myself.   When I told her, she started some individual C for her self, but it it only lasted about (1-2 months).  I stopped shortly after she did(that is about the time I found this website).     Then about a year ago I started individual C, for myself.  I could not get her MC, or a individual C for herself (like most of us), so then about 8 month(s) ago, after she broke a boundary I had(no DV), she agreed to MC.   She bailed with the MC after 2 sessions, but she has been in weekly individual ever since.

Now my question, the MC said about a month ago, that maybe I should attend a session with my wife.  (Never was it mentioned my wife should attend a session with me).  It was never mentioned other than that one MC session.  Last week my wife came home from her individual C and invited me (to her C), it was then mentioned at our last MC again by my wife.   (The MC and her C, are in the same practice, my C is in a different practice).

I am guesses\think the way it was mentioned is so where her pain is coming from... .   ?

Is this a bad idea for me, or is this a step in the positive direction?   

[Mike76]

I have been married to my uBPDw for 5 years. 

I know MC is not a good idea for most of us, but this is my story.  I first mentioned to my wife about 3 - 3 1/2 years ago about use seeking MC, she refused.   About 2 years ago, I pushed the subject a little bit, she refused so I started individual C, for myself.   When I told her, she started some individual C for her self, but it it only lasted about (1-2 months).  I stopped shortly after she did(that is about the time I found this website).     Then about a year ago I started individual C, for myself.  I could not get her MC, or a individual C for herself (like most of us), so then about 8 month(s) ago, after she broke a boundary I had(no DV), she agreed to MC.   She bailed with the MC after 2 sessions, but she has been in weekly individual ever since.

Now my question, the MC said about a month ago, that maybe I should attend a session with my wife.  (Never was it mentioned my wife should attend a session with me).  It was never mentioned other than that one MC session.  Last week my wife came home from her individual C and invited me (to her C), it was then mentioned at our last MC again by my wife.   (The MC and her C, are in the same practice, my C is in a different practice).

I am guesses\think the way it was mentioned is so where her pain is coming from... .   ?

Is this a bad idea for me, or is this a step in the positive direction?   

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Mara2]

Do the counselors where your wife is going understand about BPD?  Do you trust these couselors? 

My H wants me to come in to one of his sessions with him, but his C tells me that he is not ready yet, so I know when I am invited that it will be safe.  I trust her. 

[yeeter]

I have always encouraged my T to openly discuss with the MC.  If they can all calibrate and triangulate with each other, it can help cut through some of the misrepresentations (intended or not)

Why not ask your T to reach out and discuss, and then advise you on whether it's a good idea and also the best way for you to approach it to be meaningful.

C

[Mike76]

I have encouraged my t to reach out, but really encouraged the MC to reach out.   I handed it this way because I felt if I was misrepresenting some in the MC,  it could be handled.   I even pushed several times, for little bits of individual time with the MC, but the MC does not feel it is unnecessary.

I meet with my T, late this week, but I left a voicemail, because I have a chance to meet with my wife T, before I meet with my T.  This may as give me a chance to find out what my wife's T, knows about BPD.

[hithere]

I think you should go, at least once, but don't have very high expectations.  When I used to go to therapy sessions with my exBPD it was often a waste of time from a 'dealing with BPD issues' perspective.  The goal of my ex's therapist was to make her feel better and to help her deal with the chaos she was creating.

[Mike76]

Great Point hithere... .  

The chaos is so much more than my example, but I just feel like sharing.

Just this past weekend (my siblings and I), had a surprise party for my parents.  My wife attended(manly only to prove a point because she was in the photo.)  She then hide in the car for a hour during the 3 hour event.  She also left with saying good-bye to anyone(even me).   Just disappears!      This minor actions leads to so many  larger things.