You showing up at your ex-girlfriend's court hearing and recommending that she be remanded to treatment for your own benefit strikes me as manipulative.
This is OUR court hearing not just hers, I was the victim in the case, I was subpoenad to be there. Why am I still involved, because the courts are still continuing to involve me after she re-offended causing me to kick her out. I do have a vested interest already in this case regardless so of course I'm going to go and see how it plays out subpoena or not because a part of me does actually want to see her do well in life.
You often make sure to write us about your many motorcycles. Even your screen name suggests that superficial physical attributes are important to you.
Material possessions to me really don't mean much, I've gone from both ends of the spectrum. What boggles me is why someone would be attracted to homelessness and those that have no desire to aspire to be more, or not be content with what they did have and always seeking for ONLY material things. And as for my screen name, no I do not think highly of my physical attributes, this was more or less based on a very old joke among friends as for a long time I was 100lbs overweight and was far from having "rock hard abs" but as a joke it became my screenname amongst friends. I never had, nor will I probably ever have rockhardabs.
I am honest here: I have my doubts. Even if she is serious about starting rehab, its such a long way, 8 years with crystal meth and alcohol... . and BPD or even Bipolar... .
yes I agree with you 100%. My experience was that 3 months of rehab was not long enough for her. And 6 months now may not be long enough either but it is a start. And despite being sober for the short time she was back, the BPD issue's did manifest itself albiet not anywhere near as severe.
What is keeping you connected to a girl who so clearly doesn't meet your standards? It sounds like you've given this more than one chance already?
Because subtract the problems which she does admit to she meets my standards in most every other way. I see her struggles, I know exactly why she is the way she is, I see her wanting to change, but stuck... . And I only want to be around when she wants to genuinely work on it if that does come.
Do you have sometimes thoughts about having family and kids? You are in the age for this... . with someone like her you would always be in doubt about drugs again... .
I do but I am sterile so it's kind of a moot point.
Your seeming giddiness over the chance to rescue her from herself and be the hero is concerning. I suspect that your comfort level with this mess of a woman is part of a compelling life script for you.
I won't lie and say that I am not happy with the outcome this time around because I sincerely do think she needs this. She's never had to face any consequences for her poor actions until she got involved with me. I paid for rehab last time, but this time around I have no compelling interest in helping her out of her situation, the courts / rehab / etc will play out naturally and I'm not getting involved in that. I realize I cannot save someone unless they want to be saved. I've been pretty damn firm with her this go around because 2 reasons, I have more respect for myself this time around, and 2 because no one ever stands up to her and if more people said NO to her like I do "maybe" someday she will get it.
Yes I have built up a comfort level, but I have a low tolerance for nonsense now. Why do I care? Why shouldn't I, after knowing someone for 2 years, dating / living together for the past 1 1/2 it's hard not to develop some feelings of attachment and care. If you see some kid you don't know beat up and lying on the side of the road would you not feel bad? How much more so would you feel for someone you knew intimately. Regardless of the pain she put me through, and yes there was pain, I know her pain has been built up throughout her whole lifetime, it doesn't immediately kill those feelings, they will always be there in some form or fashion.
I do know a lot of what I want, in myself and in others around me. No I don't want drugs, promiscuity, legal problems, unfaithful, etc. Sad part is neither does she... . but she's the only one that can change that. Would I let her back... . not right now, and not for a long time, it would take a tremendous amount of self reflection and true change for me to consider it, and that's up to her to pull through. Only time will tell... .
