Am I breaking the etiquette of this board? Would like honest feedback

[nomoremommyfood]

I was going to post this on "forum help" but since I typically write on the "staying" board, I thought I'd add this here in case there's a specific "staying board" etiquette I don't understand.

I occasionally write on the "staying" forum during hard times with my BPDbf and try to begin by searching for the topic and offering a different take. Because the people in my support system see my bf as an ogre and I can't afford a therapist, this is pretty much my sole outlet for BPD-related help. But it seems my posts turn people away. It's distressing to wake up hoping for help and see no one has replied. Now, I can't delete what I wrote and am embarrassed to have composed boring content.

I'm wondering if someone could offer feedback on what I could have done to make my response-less posts more readable. Are they too long? Did I add too many details or back-story? Were the questions too vague or redundant? Am I even supposed to write a concrete description of the event that upset me?

I hope I haven't offended people by not contributing content to other questions; it's not that I'm selfish, I just don't hold the expertise for a thoughtful response. I'd love to hear any thoughts... .  and am more than happy to accept to honest criticism, even if it's "find somewhere else to complain."

Thanks in advance for any critique.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[waverider]

I understand it can be frustrating not to get responses, happens to us all.

If you get no response there is no harm in bumping the thread by adding a follow up post possibly clarifying important issues or questions.

Generally keeping opening post short with specific questions helps prompt responses.

It all comes down to who's on line at the time and whether the subject rings any bells.

[nomoremommyfood]

Thanks so much for your help! I tend to be horribly verbose when writing on forums and - as a newish member - don't really know if and how much back story I'm supposed to provide.

Luckily, it seems like people finally replied. I guess there's something to be said for being assertive on the internet!

[slimmiller]

I echo some of what waverider said above.

It can be frustrating. I use the responses or lack thereof as a gage of where I am at in my healing/improvement. Course I have started some 'flashpoint' threads too. At times certain things invoke more passionate repsonses then at other times.

I find it when there are few response and I reflect and just read (lurk) for a while it helps to not only get in tune with the community but it allows me to grow into what I need to be to be better able to not only absorb what I need at the time but also ask the right questions. 

Dont give up... .  . This board and those we deal with that are BPD are in some way what we need (or have chosen indirectly) to move forward with. I dont understand it and dont think any of us do, its a much bigger/universal issue but nonetheless a catalyst of some sort.

-slimmiller

[yeeter]

Also, if you are seeking specific guidance try just asking for it directly.  Not more than 1 or 2 items (it's just short Internet attention Span... .  Don't overwhelm us!).

Sometimes it's great to just journal away, and no problems with that but as noted it might not get a reply.

My posts seem to be a mixture of both.  Sometimes long rambling unstructured thoughts and other time just a direct, specific feedback (although even for feedback there is a desire to provide a plethora of context... .  Which feels important to me but isn't always needed for others to provide guidance.  Which in itself might be a lesson for me... .  To get better at summarizing the core essence in a few words. 

Definitely don't give up.  It's a great resource and made a big difference in my life

[Rockylove]

   I've not been all that active on the board lately so I've no real input on this other than to agree with yeeter... .  if you really need a response to an issue, come right out and let us all know.  The folks here have been really great~~even if I get too wordy, they give me the condensed version for an answer and it puts me back on track. 

[waverider]

Sometimes just writing something down gets you half way to a solution anyway once you read back your own words