I fell back down

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I was doing very well my ex and I broke up almost two months ago, but this weekend she sent contacted me and sent me back down intoa  spiral. I thought for certain that i had blocked her from all txting.  Saturday i am out with my friends and I get "HEYYYY  i hear we almsot ran into each other"  I told her please leave me alone that i dont want her to ruin my day. Well of course that turned into back forth friendly/cute texting the rest of the day. At one point I thought it had ended and then she texted me back again to conitnue the conversation. She is supposed to be dating someone else. Anyways, it ended she went to bed and of course neither of us contacted each other the following day then of course I felt lost the next day. 

Does she care about me still?  Why was she so kind to me?  Why did she een text me in the first place? So I kind of lost touch and here is where I really slipped up.  I am going to Europe next week she was supposed to go but that neer happened.  So I msged her "i want you to come to Europe with me just say yes or no and I'll buy your ticket."

Her response "No, we are not ready ... .  what the ~ does this mean. Obviously, this is just to lead me on longer and keep me around. Right? Then she tells me to make sure I contact her sister who loves in Rome while I am in Rome.

Now I feel like I used to if just endure more and keep showing her i will be there for her maybe she will finally believe me.

Anyone else have any similar experiences?

[trampledfoot]

I was doing very well my ex and I broke up almost two months ago, but this weekend she sent contacted me and sent me back down intoa  spiral. I thought for certain that i had blocked her from all txting.  Saturday i am out with my friends and I get "HEYYYY  i hear we almsot ran into each other"  I told her please leave me alone that i dont want her to ruin my day. Well of course that turned into back forth friendly/cute texting the rest of the day. At one point I thought it had ended and then she texted me back again to conitnue the conversation. She is supposed to be dating someone else. Anyways, it ended she went to bed and of course neither of us contacted each other the following day then of course I felt lost the next day. 

Does she care about me still?  Why was she so kind to me?  Why did she een text me in the first place? So I kind of lost touch and here is where I really slipped up.  I am going to Europe next week she was supposed to go but that neer happened.  So I msged her "i want you to come to Europe with me just say yes or no and I'll buy your ticket."

Her response "No, we are not ready ... .  what the ~ does this mean. Obviously, this is just to lead me on longer and keep me around. Right? Then she tells me to make sure I contact her sister who loves in Rome while I am in Rome.

Now I feel like I used to if just endure more and keep showing her i will be there for her maybe she will finally believe me.

Anyone else have any similar experiences?

[cska]

trampled, I'm sorry you slipped. If I get a penny for every time I slipped I will be a rich man... .

In my experience, you can not make a pwBPD believe that you will always be there for them. No matter what you do, deep inside they will always expect you to abandon them. I don't think they have the ability to trust, and there is nothing you can do to change that (unless she is in therapy).

[trampledfoot]

No matter what you do, deep inside they will always expect you to abandon them. I don't think they have the ability to trust, and there is nothing you can do to change that (unless she is in therapy).

Not the rages, not the verbal, emotional, physical abuse, not the "I am not in love with you anymores", ... .  but the never being able to prove your love is the worst thing about all of this... .  at least for me.

That is what makes me feel empty. You spend so much giving of yourself to get to that and you never do.

[Clearmind]

Not the rages, not the verbal, emotional, physical abuse, not the "I am not in love with you anymores", ... .  but the never being able to prove your love is the worst thing about all of this... .  at least for me.

That is what makes me feel empty. You spend so much giving of yourself to get to that and you never do.

The abuse you received is not the worst thing tramplefoot? Really!

Trampled, a relationship based on conditional love and each vying for a position within the relationship is not a love that is based on a healthy foundation. Its not intimacy, its not love – its need – for you both... .  creating feelings of emptiness.

You are basing your worth on how much she didn’t give and how much you gave. You gave, she still left you and now you feel worthless.

What do you find worthy about you? What would your friends say about trampledfoot?

The Characteristics of Healthy Relationships

Respect

Trust and support

Honesty and accountability

Shared responsibility

Economic partnership

Negotiation and fairness

Non-threatening behaviour

[Suzn]

Not the rages, not the verbal, emotional, physical abuse, not the "I am not in love with you anymores", 

Can you help me understand why you are wanting to prove your love?

She is supposed to be dating someone else. Why was she so kind to me?

Sounds like there could be trouble in her paradise possibly. Or... .  we can play the what if game. There's no way to know for sure why she was kind. I'm sorry, I know this is painful and confusing.

I msged her "i want you to come to Europe with me just say yes or no and I'll buy your ticket."

Obviously, this is just to lead me on longer and keep me around. Right?

Let me challenge you a little here trampledfoot. Saying you'll buy her a ticket, did you think this might keep her around?

[trampledfoot]

The abuse you received is not the worst thing tramplefoot? Really!

Trampled, a relationship based on conditional love and each vying for a position within the relationship is not a love that is based on a healthy foundation. Its not intimacy, its not love – its need – for you both... .  creating feelings of emptiness.

You are basing your worth on how much she didn’t give and how much you gave. You gave, she still left you and now you feel worthless.

You are right I am basing my worth on the feelings that I feel of failure like I didnt succed at trying ... .  because I didnt succeed I am worthless.  This is not true I need to keep focus on myself, there is no feeling that she can make me feel.  I am in control of all of my own feelings. What she did to me can only affect me to the extent that I let it affect me.

[trampledfoot]

I msged her "i want you to come to Europe with me just say yes or no and I'll buy your ticket."

Obviously, this is just to lead me on longer and keep me around. Right?

Let me challenge you a little here trampledfoot. Saying you'll buy her a ticket, did you think this might keep her around?

That is exactly why I did it. I did it because I was trying to show her "no matter how horrible you treat me, I'll still be there for you... .  I wont leave you" Again, I am just trying to prove myself to her because she never thought I was committed enough or loved her enough.

Obviously this is wrong and I got what i asked for not what I wanted... .  I got the response "No, we are not ready"

Exactly what she needed to say to keep my heart hanging around.