How do you stop wondering what they are up to and if they are OK?

[Mistified247]

Hi all,

I've been doing really well, but I find myself still thinking of the exBPD on a regular basis. Not in a longing way, however but I find myself wondering what she is up to, if she is happy etc. I had some pretty vivid dreams recently that I ran into her. This is one thing I really fear, as she works in the same part of town as me. I remember reading some time ago that when you start dreaming of them, you are finally letting go. Is that correct?

I've met someone fantastic now that is the way a relationship should be, mutual respect, treats me well, lots of fun, gets on well with the family and friends etc.

Sometimes my behaviour is a bit warped towards her which I am trying to fix within myself, as I overeact to some things due to my experience with my exBPD. The question is, do you ever stop thinking about the ex and what they are up to? Or is it more difficult when they are still workign around the corner from you?

I've barely had any contact the back end of last year, and only one SMS in January this year. So the NC has gone really well, and I never feel like messaging her to see how she is doing. This is a step in the right direction!

[Newton]

Mistified247... .  I suggest you look at your thread title again, specifically... .  "if they are OK?"... .  

What do you interpret this to mean?... .  (trust me, borderlines are survivors, as a generality even the waifs are just fine)

Do you still miss this person?... .  

Could it be your own rescuing tendencies kicking in?... .  (if you have these and have recognised them... .  )


It sounds like things are going great for you with this new person in your life... .  

[Mistified247]

I think it is likely my rescue tendancies kicking in again, but also because even though I know she won't ever be happy I still wish she was if that makes sense? I don't miss her anymore, I guess it is just my irritating brain trying to close out the final thoughts, and I obviously have issues around rescuing and helping others without thinking about myself. As you say, she is a survivor and the soft side I keep remembering is only half of the personality, the other half is a heavy drinking, sulking, depressive person who either loves or hates people.

I think this board is great, just bouncing my thoughts around really helps.

[Newton]

Your honesty shows how much progress you have made 

Perhaps it's time to concentrate on why this persons welfare is considered still to be your responsibility when you have a great person in your life?... .