The neediness...

[Foreverhopefull]

For the last few days (well, almost the whole week) dBPDh has been winning that I don't spend time with him. In a way, he's right.

I work 50 to 60 hrs a week in a very stressful and demanding job, when I get home, I just want to stop.

I hate watching sports and horror movies, he loves it.

I don't smoke, he does but only in the basement of the house and never when I'm around (where he spends all his time)

Each time I went to see him to make sure he was OK (it's been a bad week), he begged me to stay. I would, but the first thing he would do is change the channel for a sport instead of one of the few shows we agree is good; or he's drunk and his mood is very fragile, so we can't talk without him getting upset or angry; or I had only the intention to "drop" by between taking the dog out, making dinner and cleaning the house, so staying for more than a few minutes is not feasible.

Last night was the last straw, it was passed 7:30 pm, I was home late (after a 15 hour work day), hungry, tired, had put the dog outside and just not in a mood to bend head over heels to deal with anything more than going to bed. I go see him to say "Honey, I'm home. It's been a freaking bad day, I'm not feeling like anything good, so I'll just be heading to bed.", this usually works everytime and it's part of our "key words".

Instead, I was painted black as night. I was the cruellest women on earth to lock him up in the basement and never spend time with him, I barely talk to him enough to see he's hurting, etc. I swear, it took every drop of energy and self restraint not to blow up.

He's not doing good because he's drinking again 6 to 12 beers a day, since he has back pain lately, he takes twice the limit of painkillers that contain a high dose of ibuprofen, which is upsetting his stomach wall, which is full of cancer cells that need to stay "calm" so they don't start multiplying, then because he drinks (which is doing nothing good to his stomach either) he's also upsetting his liver that is already in cirrhosis and all of this is causing him to have allot of bleeding when he's going to the bathroom... . and major stomach pains.

He wants me to take care of him and pamper him, but he's doing this to himself (he laughs about it saying I'll finally be rich, taken care of and happy... . he's going to be gone), he wants me to stay with him and watch him do this to himself... . I can't sit there and look at him kill himself slowly, so I leave. I tried to explain it to him, but this is not the time... . he's not listening.

In the last few months, he had progressed so much, but he is slipping rapidly back into where he started.

It's scary, it's upsetting.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[jrx]

Foreverhopefull, I'm sorry to hear the situation you're in. You have two-and-a-half jobs, one working 50-60 and another as a caregiver. From what I've read, you seem to have a lot of resolve.

My wish for you is that you have local support that you can count on. I speak with caregivers weekly (albeit for elders, not BPD) and support is the number one thing that helps them through.

You have plenty of support here and so many people are listening and empathizing. You may have immediate friends who see what you're going through, and want to help, but don't know how. The caregivers I talk with say they get the best support from others when they ask for something directly.

In any case, I'm guessing you just wanted a listening ear, so I wanted write it out, and say I am hoping the best for you.