BPD's... talking vs texting

[bruceli]

Just realized something.  BPDw never texts me yet her usual means of communication with the rest of her "friends" is through text.  Was just wondering if in the past she may have been called out or had text's used to make her aware of her behavior/words.  It ha just dawned on me that in regards to me.  She really does seem to cover her tracks well.  Anyone else here experience this?

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[StayingWithHim]

Maybe there is something to that theory. My BPDbf will text me, but he is absolutely anal about keeping his inbox/sent box empty. I've seen him do it, send a text and then empty the box, over and over. If someone shows him a text he sent on their phone that he doesn't want to admit to he says that they found a way to make it appear to be a text from his phone to set him up.

[raindancer]

I can't say I experience the same thing - I don't have a cellphone. I got rid of it when he started using it as a medium to send rants... .  

But my pwBPD's texting does get annoying. He gets texts at all times - day and night - if I ask, he says they are always from his mom... .     Long history, I'm not going into here - I've said enough elsewhere about that... .  but it is believeable.

I got curious once and looked - not much to see, he's pretty anal about not keeping anything on it. I told him that I looked and now he has it locked and keeps it on him like it's a third hand. It doesn't exactly give me reason to be insecure, but it certainly doesn't give me reason to feel secure either.

Technology, the new frontier on BPD crazy-making... .  like we needed cellphones and facebook to give them more excuses... .  

[bruceli]

I can't say I experience the same thing - I don't have a cellphone. I got rid of it when he started using it as a medium to send rants... .  

But my pwBPD's texting does get annoying. He gets texts at all times - day and night - if I ask, he says they are always from his mom... .     Long history, I'm not going into here - I've said enough elsewhere about that... .  but it is believeable.

I got curious once and looked - not much to see, he's pretty anal about not keeping anything on it. I told him that I looked and now he has it locked and keeps it on him like it's a third hand. It doesn't exactly give me reason to be insecure, but it certainly doesn't give me reason to feel secure either.

Technology, the new frontier on BPD crazy-making... .  like we needed cellphones and facebook to give them more excuses... .  

Agreed... .  as has been said here many times... .  their own secrect world. 

[nodoover]

I always wondered why my husband erases all his texts and emails and if I want to finally share something by email since communication is so hard, he won't answer it and usually won't even read what I send.

[bruceli]

I always wondered why my husband erases all his texts and emails and if I want to finally share something by email since communication is so hard, he won't answer it and usually won't even read what I send.

Actually going to test this one out tonight.  Forwarded BPDw a file that my LT could'nt open but I now hers will... .  Going to see how many days it takes before she says anything or if she says anything at all... .  

[waverider]

It is easier to mirror, sell and project a persuasive image or idea via voice than via txt. That is one reason my partner never txts. She needs closure, she needs to know you heard the message, not just ignored or deleted a text.

She also likes to use a paragraph where a sentence would suffice.

[MockingbirdHL]

My dBPDh uses text and email a lot. Maybe because he works out of town at all hours of the day/night. If he wants to say something difficult I usually get a text that says he sent me an email. That's when I get that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.

I think it's because he doesn't know how to deal with conflict, especially not face to face. Or even on the phone. With text / email he doesn't have to process my reactions immediately.  He would have to face to face or talking on the phone. But with text / email he can respond / ignore whenever he wants.

Of course when he's NC or giving me the silent treatment he also leaves physically, not only emotionally, so there's nothing. He goes to his parents lake house about an hour from our home and pretends like we don't exist. That's where he is now. Cycling between anger and depression. For three weeks now. I don't think he can pull himself though to the other IDE this time.

[Cloudy Days]

My husband uses text more than anything else. I actually try to avoid phone calls whenever possible. He gets very suspicious when we are on the phone, any little sound that he hears sets him off. He always thinks that I am laughing it up with someone and keeping it from him. We can do well with texts though, but I've also learned some things like validation that keep things more peaceful. He used to send text after text to me of insults and name calling when he would rage, then he got a smart phone and could talk into it for his texts, giving me all his insults. He's getting therapy and that has stopped thankfully. He contacts people through text almost any time he contacts someone. I think it gives him time to actually think about what he wants to say before he says it. He has a way of sticking his foot in his mouth. He will also ask me if I think his response is ok. There are certain people he will delete their texts as soon as he sends them and others he will leave on there forever. He will also delete people out of his phone, kinda like a I'm done with you forever so I don't need your phone number type thing. The one thing I think is good though is that he contacts his therapist by text. If he had to actually call her I don't think he would ever do it. So that is a plus!