Mother still takes BPD father's side

[musicfan42]

Ok there was an incident where my father was physically abusive when I was a child. My mother maintains that I deserved it-that I was provoking my father. Yes, I was acting up but physical violence towards one's own child is completely unacceptable. I feel like she's just taking HIS side instead of mine and that she's pretty much betraying me by taking his side-by not agreeing with me and saying "violence against anyone is wrong, full stop". I wondered why I felt angry towards my mother because I get on with her for the most part-but now I know! I feel like she's taken other people sides at time including my father's when the other person was clearly in the wrong. I can't help but think that my mother still has a soft spot for my father and is just making excuses for him. I think I always knew that she had a soft spot for him and that enraged me as a child-I'd give my father a hard time. I'm only realising why it enraged me so much. I feel like NO ONE is on my side! What about me? What about my feelings? So many times growing up, I felt like the underdog... . me against the rest of my family... . and I suppose I still feel like this at times.

I know I'm just going to have accept it and get on with things in my life but urgh, just had to vent about this!

I also wonder whether anyone can relate to this?

[Kwamina]

I understand your anger. Having your father physically abuse you is bad enough and your mother taking his side makes an already bad situation even worse. Our parents were supposed to protect us and when they don't it's just like being abandoned. My uBPD mother never disciplined my uBPD sis and brother when they misbehaved and this really bothered me. I felt like I couldn't trust the people I depended on most which is very difficult when you're just a kid because you feel like there's no way out.

I'm curious, was your father also physically abusive towards your mother? Or were you his preferred target? Looking at my own uBPD relatives they always seem to single out certain people, always people they perceive as weak so they can get away with anything. Children are often easy targets for them.

[musicfan42]

Thank you for validating my feelings Kwamina-I appreciate it.

I don't know if I was a target. I never even thought I was until you posed that question and now I'm wondering if I was!

I don't know-I don't think I was but maybe a therapist might think differently... . I honestly have no idea. I'm not generally at a loss for words but I've hit a roadblock here so I'll have to think about this... .