POLL: Does therapist gender matter?

[StayingAfloat]

Do you see a male or a female therapist?

I'm a guy.  And I've always been more comfortable talking to women than men about personal issues.

My wife thinks I need a man.  This is because I didn't have a strong male figure in my life, and she thinks I need some kind of "role model," and that should be my T... . preferably one that's a strong Christian role model.  That's what she thinks.  But I have this vision of a holier-than-thou pastor lecturing me.  She knows I've always been skeptical of religious authority.

Plus, I just think that a therapist is NOT a place to find a role model.  It's a place for... .well, counseling.  

What do you folks think?

[rswwd]

I'd say for therapy, you should go with who you are most comfortable with.  I wouldn't think I would want uneasiness in the way.

Tell her as for strong male figures, you will spend more time with your male friends doing male friend stuff! 

I don't see anyone individually, but our MC we will be seeing Monday is female.

[LAPDR]

I had four different therapists over the years, two male and two female. One of each sex were very poor in my mind and I believe all I did was waste money on them. One of the lady therapists was very good and she ended up moving her practice far away and I switch to my last one who was a man. At first this man had a offensive disposition with me and reminded me of Dr. House of the TV show. But he ended up being the best thing for me, he asked pointed and probing question about myself more than the problems with my wife. Like anything else out there, there are good ones and some not as good. I believe it is like a job interview or when you take on a new job, within a few visits you will know if you feel you are on a positive path with the therapist. It is also probably good to discuss with them in the first couple of sessions on their approach and roadmap of the time you will be spending with them, don't feel you are totally under their control, it is your money so try and get a good value.

[noahetal]

I'm seeing a male T and my uBPDw is seeing a male T.

I really want to meet her T but I have been accused by her in the past of "poisoning' all of the prior counselors by telling them things about her ( you know, like my side of the story). She has been seeing her T for months and my T ,who trained under her T ,assures me that her T is the real deal and has her condition figured out. When she comes home,all I hear from her is how they discussed feminism in a macro sense- never anything about her in a micro sense. I know I am being impatient but I want to meet with her T and just get an idea that ,at some point, they'll get down to the work at hand with her BPD but I don't want to do this if she will use my meeting as a reaon to bail on therapy .

[thenextstep]

My guess is she doesn't want you seeing a female T because she sees it as "competition" - either you'll develop feelings for her, or you'll get a sense of what a sane woman is like.

As for seeing a T as a role model, I think that's an integral part of the process.  Mine has certainly been one for me.  But that doesn't mean your T has to be a role model of a particular gender.  A lot of healthy behaviors cross (or should) gender lines - setting boundaries, effective communication, nurturing yourself, etc.  If you're more comfortable with a woman, then that's who you need to see.  As someone else said, if you start off with such unease in seeing a man, it will likely be counterproductive.

In general, I think the consensus is you're right and she's not.  It is a control issue for her, I wouldn't be surprised if she has a particular counselor in mind for you to see.

[MikeAnon]

I'm a guy.  And I've always been more comfortable talking to women than men about personal issues.

I agree with you.  I saw a female therapist.  I was able to open up to her in a different way. I also saw a male therapist.  He was good as well.  Hey, its ur decision.

[dramacat]

Imho, someone who is looking for a therapist to be a "role model" is looking for the wrong thing.  Let's nevermind the fact that someone you only see for an hour a week doesn't really have time to be an effective role model.  A therapist is someone who asks good questions, who helps you self-reflect and learn about yourself, who gives you the tools to problem-solve and persevere, who acts a reality check.  I hate to say it, but a therapist can do all of those things and still be a philanderer or a drunk or what have you. 

[Mr.Q]

As a male who sees a female T.  I find it useful to get criticism or validation from a female perspective.  When you are married to someone who constantly criticises your way of dealing with her, it's useful to run some of the criticisms past someone of her gender.  I take the point that Ts are not necessarily role models but when BPDs cause you to have so many doubts, it' helps to be able to ask, "Is this normal?"

[SadWifeofBPD]

I do think that there are benefits for a male to have a male T if he didn't have a good father figure.  My sister, a T, has often said that to me that one of my boys should see a T and it should be a male.  

If you feel that a "christian T" would be too preachy (I doubt that), then don't look for one that advertises as one.  

I wish that my H would go to a male T.  His current one is a female marshmallow who just coddles him (she's an enabler!).  He's had a couple of males in the past and they were much better at correcting some of his issues.  The males were also more confrontive, which H REALLY needs.  

I also think that my H would benefit from a male T because my H has some crazy notions of what "being a man" is.  His own father was a control freak who demanded "his way or the highway", and his mom quietly went along with it (with frustration).  H thinks that his mom "loved her H so much that she was willing to do that."  I think a male T would set H straight that his mom didn't do it out of "love", she did it to keep peace in the household.

[VeryFree]

I'm a male who is seeing a male-T.

First thing about a T must be his/her quality.

Second thing is how do you feel about him/her.

For leveling yourself and handeling your own issues I really think it doesn't matter.

For venting it's nice to have a male-T. Genders are different in looking at subjects... .