The closer I get the more she pushes away

[711guy]

I've been on and off of course with my BPD girlfriend for close to 5 years with manyyy ups and downs. But I stay for the good times we share. Recently I started setting boundaries and becoming more distance to her bad behavior.  She feels abandonment and pulls me close making all the effort.

Recently I started caring more and making more effort and she has became completely distant a complete 360.  She started the "ill call you after work at 10" and never call, she will tell me to call her in 10 minutes and not pickup and not talk that whole night. She will ignore texts the whole nine yards I'm sure many on here are familiar with.  Then it seems when I stop caring and making an effort and disappear for a few days or she thinks I found someone else she comes back.

What I wanna know is what does all this mean and is there a way to improve this horrible cycle? Am I handling this wrong? I would definately appreciate the insight and stories of your similar situations thanks

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Angelnme]

I am pretty new to the world of BPD so this may not be the best advice but I will try.

I've learned that one of the main problems with pwBPD is that they fear abandonment, and intimacy scares the crap out of them. It's easier for them to keep EVERYONE in their world at some kind of distance. When things are "good" it's not necessarily an invitation for them to get closer. It's safer for them to be distanced. They have to have a few people who are "close" to them (close is a relative term) to lash out at. Ignoring you is a form of lashing out. It's almost backwards: what makes most of us feel closer to our loved ones makes pwBPD put up a wall (usually temporary). They are afraid that we will leave them so they "leave" first to protect their emotions.

I hope this helps you. Have you read "Stop Walking On Eggshells"? It's an excellent book for those of us involved with a pwBPD. It helps us understand the disorder, their behaviors, and how to interact with them. I wish you the very best.