This is my thousandth post here on bpdfamily.com.
I just re-read some of my old journals. I first heard of BPD (and that my wife sounded like she had it!) on New Year's Day, 2012. I notice that I first posted here on January 6th.
I also noticed that I was referring to my diary as "Grey Kitty's Drama Diary" or "Grey Kitty's Wife's Drama aimed at me Diary". It seemed that I didn't bother to write much on good days... . Reading the stuff in the last two months of 2011, I was getting all the BPD crap from my wife in a major way. It had gradually increased over a few years, and it was intolerable by then.
Reading my diary, I see that I was very much ready to change things, do something. Some of the things I was trying were helpful (I was taking time outs or stepping out from the rages, although probably not consistently or soon enough). Others were well meaning, but not so helpful (I was directly addressing my wife's self-hatred and insecurity, which had to be threatening and invalidating). I bet I was JADE-ing all over the place.
I had a few good friends who supported me, and my family was good to me, but I never opened up about any of this to them.
I never would have guessed that I'd have a community like this, or that I would dive into it like I did. 1000 posts. Wow. I know I was a quick study on at least some things. (Yes, I still want to get better at
[url=https://bpdfamily.com/content/communication-skills-validation]validation[/b][/url]!)
I bet that half of those posts were mostly aimed at helping others here, rather than getting support on my own issues, especially six months going on a year. I sure wouldn't have guessed that either.
Today I just want to say thank you to everybody for being here--you have helped me, touched me, and inspired me.
Hugs to you all!
Grey Kitty