Two Birthday recycles Today.

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

Even after  five years out! She's been doing this nearly every year, plus, sometimes a couple of emails in between the year. I don't block them to gauge my progress. She signed it: Big Love and Hugs, xxx Your friend forever!  I never answer them of course. They still make me feel a little excited, yet sad, along with that queasy feeling in my stomach. Aren't they something? She must keep a calendar with all the ex's birthdays from the past. I don't go out of my way to date unless presented with an opportunity out of the blue. The truth is, I am still working on really loving myself since then. To be, and feel, all those good feelings about myself, without hers, or anyone else's, adoring gaze or words. It's been a long process for me getting out of Oz, but I'll make it.

[GlennT]

Even after  five years out! She's been doing this nearly every year, plus, sometimes a couple of emails in between the year. I don't block them to gauge my progress. She signed it: Big Love and Hugs, xxx Your friend forever!  I never answer them of course. They still make me feel a little excited, yet sad, along with that queasy feeling in my stomach. Aren't they something? She must keep a calendar with all the ex's birthdays from the past. I don't go out of my way to date unless presented with an opportunity out of the blue. The truth is, I am still working on really loving myself since then. To be, and feel, all those good feelings about myself, without hers, or anyone else's, adoring gaze or words. It's been a long process for me getting out of Oz, but I'll make it.

[sheepdog]

Glenn-whoa!  She continues to contact you after *five years* even after getting NO response?  Wow!

It sounds like you are doing some good work on yourself. 

Congrats on staying strong

[GlennT]

Thanks sheepdog! Healing doesn't happen with a bang or a whimper, it's more like... .

Crossing Over

I was on a journey to another land.

I thought I would know when I crossed over,

There would be a fence, a gate, a guard,

A sign in two languages.

But it was not so. I was a traveller on the road,

The road deteriorated into ruts,

The ruts filled with sand,

The sand drifted this way and that,

Once upon a time, there had been a road.

Time came I knew I was in a different place,

If I had seen the point where I had crossed, it would not

have been there.

But I had crossed over.

God Bless bpdfamily!

[laelle]

Happy Birthday Glenn... .  

[Phoenix.Rising]

Yes, Happy Birthday, and big  for staying the course.  That shows a lot of strength and willingness.  I'm sure I would feel a bit rattled.

[sheepdog]

Glenn,

Your poem reminded me a little of this song by Dar Williams.  It is one of my favorites songs and I identify with much of it.  It never fails to make me cry.  Hard.  Like a baby.

Anyway, thought you may like to hear it/read the lyrics.

It may not remind you of your poem at all.

I could wax poetic about this song.  Hope you enjoy it.


www.youtube.com/watch?v=KWWxJwRGT8w

Go ahead push your luck

Find out how much love the world can hold

Once upon a time I had control and reined my soul in tight

Well the whole truth

Is like the story of a wave unfurled

But I held the evil of the world

So I stopped the tide

Froze it up from inside

And it felt like

A winter machine that you go through and then

You catch your breath and winter starts again

And everyone else is spring bound

But when I chose to live

There was no joy it's just a line I crossed

It wasn't worth the pain my death would cost

So I was not lost or found

And if I was to sleep

I knew my family had more truth to tell

And so I traveled down a whispering well

To know myself through them

Growing up my mom had a room full of books

And hid away in there

Her father raging down a spiral stair

Till he found someone most days his son

And sometimes I think my father, too, is a refugee

I know they tried to keep their pain from me

They could not see what it was for

But now I'm sleeping fine

Sometimes the truth is like a second chance

I am the daughter of a great romance

And they are the children of the war

Well the sun rose

With so many colors it nearly broke my heart

It worked me over like a work of art

And I was apart of all that

So go ahead push your luck

Say what it is you gotta say to me

We will push on into that mystery

And it will push right back

And there are worse things than that

'cause for every price and every penance that I could think of

It's better to have fallen in love

Than never to have fallen at all

'cause when you live in a world

Well it gets in to who you thought you'd be

And now I laugh at how the world changed me

I think life chose me

After all

[Phoenix.Rising]

Wow, great lyrics, Sheepdog.  They gave me chills.

[sheepdog]

Glad you liked it.  Like I said, I just completely identify with this song.