Checking my Ts advice

[lost not dead]

My stbex has pretty much left me and the kids alone. Her only complaint is how we dont love her enough to give in to her crap. She has not lived with us in 6 years but we are still married. She lives in a different state. She wants to buy a house and I want a divorce. My T says leave her alone and let her file the divorce so she doesnt feel rejected but there is no sign of her doing it. So do I sign the papers for this house and leave her fantasy world alone or tell her no house till we are divorced. Just seems like Im sitting here waiting for the bomb to go off.

[Validation78]

Hi Lost!

Your T probably wants to create a situation where the divorce is her idea so she cannot blame you for abandoning her. That wouldn't necessarily happen anyway, since the perceptions of pwBPD often differ from the truth anyway. It's likely that she always felt abandoned or was sure you would do it in the end in her mind!

How long does the T want you to wait? I think 6 years, IMHO, is long enough. You probably want closure, and to move on with your life without loose ends. Someone has to give here, and why should you continue to live in limbo?

Do what is best for you and your healing journey, and if getting the divorce done is what you want, move forward!

Best Wishes,

Val78

[Suzn]

Hello lost

It might be a good idea to run this by the legal board here with a few more details. Listening to your T is always good advice. Talking with an attorney locally might be a good idea too. Buying a house before a divorce could make you financially responsible for it if you do divorce.


Leaving Board: Family law, divorce and custody

[simplyasiam]

i know what your say my BPDex is on the deed to my home she said before she would sign it over but not sure she will and not really in a place to deal with her about it. i know i have to get it done but dont want tick her off and have her do something really bad

[MarcinN7]

I think your T is worrying to much about your EX and too little about you.

Every journey must start with a step, so go on out there and give it your best.

File the divorce, get on with your life. Don`t stand with one foot in your marriage, subconsciously you are aware that technically your still married.

If she goes insane, get a restraining order. Life is not easy but in our head its harder then it really is.