Oh happy day

[Depression = 72% of members]

You know you're in a relationship with a pwBPD when the best news of your day is having your MC tell you that, yes, she has observed BPD and that my Dr. Google diagnosis was, in fact, correct.

So setting aside how warped my r/s is, I'm choosing to focus on the fact that I can now change "uBPDw" to "dBPDw"

It's the little things that get us through... .

[coasterhusband]

You know you're in a relationship with a pwBPD when the best news of your day is having your MC tell you that, yes, she has observed BPD and that my Dr. Google diagnosis was, in fact, correct.

So setting aside how warped my r/s is, I'm choosing to focus on the fact that I can now change "uBPDw" to "dBPDw"

It's the little things that get us through... .

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[waverider]

You know you're in a relationship with a pwBPD when the best news of your day is having your MC tell you that, yes, she has observed BPD and that my Dr. Google diagnosis was, in fact, correct.

So setting aside how warped my r/s is, I'm choosing to focus on the fact that I can now change "uBPDw" to "dBPDw"

It's the little things that get us through... .

But apart from validating your own disorder sleuthing, nothing has really changed though... . any little victory in the dark brightens the day... .

[Bloomer]

Was this said to your wife as well? If so, has it prompted any responses in her (positive or negative)?

[coasterhusband]

@waverider - I suppose that's the pessimist's way of thinking about it There's value, at least to me, in hearing validation that, despite my dBPDw's best BPD efforts to constantly convince me otherwise, BPD is correct. I've had periods of time where I find myself second guessing my assumptions that BPD was the issue.

Now I don't need to second guess any more. And that, IMHO, is a huge deal.

@Bloomer - unfortunately, this was only to me. I called to schedule an appointment and ended up talking to the T for a few minutes. I asked her at the end of the call about it.

[daylily]

It IS nice to be right about something now and then (especially since we're always the subject of blame in our relationships).  Plus it's a confirmation that "it's not you" when someone (especially someone clinically trained) agrees with you. 

I think the reasons things HAVEN'T CHANGED (as Wave said) are: (1) regardless of whether or not a partner is diagnosed, the tools here work on people exhibiting the symptoms (and even other people who aren't disordered at all); and (2) if you want to keep your sanity in your relationship, the focus has to come off of "being right" in the eyes of others.  I'm still working on this.  The more I focus on being right, the more conflict there is in my relationship and the more frustrated I become.  They live in a different reality than ours and no matter what, we're not going to be "right" in their eyes, so we just have to know our own truth and accept that theirs is (often frustratingly) different, may change day to day and even minute to minute, and is based only on their feelings in the moment.

Another thing -- I haven't confronted my H with my ":)r. Google diagnosis" as you call it    but from reading posts here it's NOT a good idea to bring it up to your wife.  She won't say, "Gee, honey, you're right.  Let me go seek help for that."  The reaction more likely will be, "You're the one with BPD!"   

  Daylily

[coasterhusband]

Sorry if my joke about changing acronyms was interpreted to be something other than what I intended.

I've not said, nor do I believe anything has changed. (Other than changing the acronym I use here, which is all I meant. By no means was my point that I've changed HER. Just the letters I use to describe her here on this site)

Fact is, my life, like all of ours is one of ambiguity. This is one small area where ambiguity has been removed and that makes me feel good, especially since I'm coming out of a period of time where things were good enough to make me start questioning whether she had BPD at all or even if I was the one with all this problems. This doesn't change anything, and tomorrow will be the same problems and challenges as yesterday. Today I'm celebrating a positive note. It's how I personally stay sane.

[waverider]

Feeling good about yourself is the first grounding point for us all.

Thank goodness for Dr Google, non of us would be here otherwise and this little lifeboat wouldn't be available to keep us afloat. we would still be on the Titanic heading for the Iceberg.

Just be careful with that diagnosis it can blow up in your face if not handled carefully. A naturally defensive person does not always react very well to being told that nearly everything that has gone wrong in their life comes back to them, and that there is no quick fix. It send my partner spiralling into endless OD's out of depression

[iluminati]

Hey, not all of us got a Dr. Google diagnosis.  I only got to Google after my wife was diagnosed... . by 4 different clinicians.  Yay teaching psychiatric hospitals for having plenty of personnel to throw at patients!  

Still, the sense of validation must be nice.  Knowing that you aren't some meanie out to slur your SO because you're frustrated has to be worth something.  Also, from my experience, marriage counselors seem to do more diagnoses of BPD than any other group.  I presume it's because it's probably easiest to pick up within a couples dynamic, along with the fact that way more people do couples counseling than end up in a psych ward due to suicide attempts.  Still, it's something for the pros to look at.