the end.

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I have been here enough for most people to know my story. But after 2.7 years of misery Ive had enough. This last round did me in. We stayed apart for 2 months, I was nc. she would send me a text about every 3 weeks which I wouldnt respond. or she would be were I had to be, just by accident. I started dating otehr people and she did also. She caught me at a moment of weakness and she had all the right words. her words, she had been iin therapy, I was the best thing that happened to her, she wanted us back and she wanted us to get married. We got back and it was great, she went to therapy, I also went. Things were working better then ever. we planned a wedding, took a family trip which we had never done. about 2 weeks ago. The old her started showing back up. an dthen this weekend in came to head. After lsiten to verbal abuse from her for 3 days I finally said I had enough and went home. we didnt talk much for a days or so. when we did she started her tirade again about how sorry of a person I was and how I really didnt love her if I would go out with someone after she had dumped me for about the 10 th time in 2 years. How her drinking problem as my fault and how nobody at work likes her and its my fault. She said she wanted to end it. I said great and told her never to call me phone ever again. she called back and I told her that again. I havent heard from her since. I dont think I have ever felt so good. But my message is dont beleive them, I dont think they can change. You will be wasting your time and you rlife will be filled with misery. It starts off wondeful, you have found your soul mate, sex will be off the charts but in the end you will lose youself and probabley you sanity. and in the end they will leave you broke, emotionally and finacially and walk away like it was nothing. I was warned and I didnt listen or believe. BUt I am now a believer. You have been warned, just like I was. Good luck.

[mitchell16]

I have been here enough for most people to know my story. But after 2.7 years of misery Ive had enough. This last round did me in. We stayed apart for 2 months, I was nc. she would send me a text about every 3 weeks which I wouldnt respond. or she would be were I had to be, just by accident. I started dating otehr people and she did also. She caught me at a moment of weakness and she had all the right words. her words, she had been iin therapy, I was the best thing that happened to her, she wanted us back and she wanted us to get married. We got back and it was great, she went to therapy, I also went. Things were working better then ever. we planned a wedding, took a family trip which we had never done. about 2 weeks ago. The old her started showing back up. an dthen this weekend in came to head. After lsiten to verbal abuse from her for 3 days I finally said I had enough and went home. we didnt talk much for a days or so. when we did she started her tirade again about how sorry of a person I was and how I really didnt love her if I would go out with someone after she had dumped me for about the 10 th time in 2 years. How her drinking problem as my fault and how nobody at work likes her and its my fault. She said she wanted to end it. I said great and told her never to call me phone ever again. she called back and I told her that again. I havent heard from her since. I dont think I have ever felt so good. But my message is dont beleive them, I dont think they can change. You will be wasting your time and you rlife will be filled with misery. It starts off wondeful, you have found your soul mate, sex will be off the charts but in the end you will lose youself and probabley you sanity. and in the end they will leave you broke, emotionally and finacially and walk away like it was nothing. I was warned and I didnt listen or believe. BUt I am now a believer. You have been warned, just like I was. Good luck.

[Octoberfest]

I have been here enough for most people to know my story. But after 2.7 years of misery Ive had enough. This last round did me in. We stayed apart for 2 months, I was nc. she would send me a text about every 3 weeks which I wouldnt respond. or she would be were I had to be, just by accident. I started dating otehr people and she did also. She caught me at a moment of weakness and she had all the right words. her words, she had been iin therapy, I was the best thing that happened to her, she wanted us back and she wanted us to get married. We got back and it was great, she went to therapy, I also went. Things were working better then ever. we planned a wedding, took a family trip which we had never done. about 2 weeks ago. The old her started showing back up. an dthen this weekend in came to head. After lsiten to verbal abuse from her for 3 days I finally said I had enough and went home. we didnt talk much for a days or so. when we did she started her tirade again about how sorry of a person I was and how I really didnt love her if I would go out with someone after she had dumped me for about the 10 th time in 2 years. How her drinking problem as my fault and how nobody at work likes her and its my fault. She said she wanted to end it. I said great and told her never to call me phone ever again. she called back and I told her that again. I havent heard from her since. I dont think I have ever felt so good. But my message is dont beleive them, I dont think they can change. You will be wasting your time and you rlife will be filled with misery. It starts off wondeful, you have found your soul mate, sex will be off the charts but in the end you will lose youself and probabley you sanity. and in the end they will leave you broke, emotionally and finacially and walk away like it was nothing. I was warned and I didnt listen or believe. BUt I am now a believer. You have been warned, just like I was. Good luck.

This is all such a tricky dance... . I believe pwBPD (who are conscious of their condition) DO want to seek help, they DO want to change and have things work.  They just can't.  I promise they do not enjoy the messy break ups, lies, and turmoil that define every relationship they have.  They are just incapable of anything else.  So don't beat yourself up too badly that you "fell for it" again... . When you love someone you will take the TINIEST scrap of evidence that they are on the straight and narrow and run with it while ignoring the mountain of evidence that they are lying or cheating or whatever.  We put up with them for so long and go back so many times because we DESPERATELY want it to be true, that they actually can/did get better... . we are simply hopeful.  False hope, but who can tell someone that they shouldn't dream?

[mitchell16]

Octoberfest, Thank you. That is good advice. I think I am beating myself up. I feel so used by this person and i allowed it. I beleived what she said this time once again. She sounded so convincing. I guess she probabley did mean everything she said but as typical of BPD that all changed on a dime. But it is very frustrating, one day planning a wedding, looking at rings, planning our finaces and the in a matter of a week its all over. Over absulutely nothing. Just doesnt make sense. But after reading these boards and reading everyone elses stories, I cant say I didnt know. BUt I guess I thought I was diffrent and that she was diffrent because she was seeking therapy and had sought it on her own. Only thing is she has no follow through. Im in a good place in my emotions but Im am very sad and a little lost over it all. I cant say that all BPD dont change or get better but its been my experience that after almost 3 years it stays the same with them. You might see some short term change but in a heart beat it can be right back to the start over nothing. diffrence of opinion, the weather just about anything. its very sad. My wish is someone else will learn from my story and not go through what I and others have been through and save themselves some misery and heart ache. Its hard to see it when your in it and its haard to listen to others becasue you wnat to believe yours will be diffrent but what I have learned it wont be.