7 weeks and only 1 good (ish) day

[Sadsue]

Not sure how much more I can take, he just doesn't seem to be coming out of it this time and I have tried to apply the lessons but just don't know where to go from here.

My gran is gravely ill and I've had no support from him whatsoever, luckily I have a great family, they know nothing of his illness of course!

He hates me at the moment, tells me daily what a bad person I am, then sulks, he has planned his whole weekend and I'm not included in anything.  I have so much to give but I am just up against a brick wall all the time!

I'm not sure i will ever see the loving side of him again and that makes me so sad :-(

What do you all do to break this circle?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[maryy16]

Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do to break HIS cycle... . the only thing you can do is take care of yourself.  You literally just have to wait it out and try not to go crazy in the meantime... . and try to use the lessons given on this board. 

A brick wall is a great example of our BPD partners... . there is just no getting through to them sometimes, but I have found that validation does work and leaving and not continuing the argument seems to help by H calm down a little faster. 

[4now]

 

Sounds very familiar.  It hurts to know that they are leaving you out. Whether it's intentionally making social plans and totally neglecting you or working all the time and not seeing that they don't make time for you.  It hurts. I have been there and gone through that, what I rough time.  I feel for you.

It is best to take care of yourself.  Not worry about him and what he's doing or not doing.  Think about YOU!

That, in my opinion, is the quickest way, if there is one, to break this cycle.  It may not work immediately or at all, but at least you can take care of yourself.  Can you make plans with friends or family?  Or do something else that will take your mind off of him? 

By the way, it is not uncommon for pwBPD to have an episode of dysregulation when you are the one in need of support, ie with your Gran being so ill.  This makes no sense and I don't understand it,, but I think it is quite common.  Perhaps they sense we need the support and it's too much for them and they push us away, I don't know. 

I know you want the loving side of him, and it will probably come back, but it seems like the more they know we want that, the more they withhold it.  Totally messed up, but seems to be the way it works.

The best, best advice I can give you is to find your own enjoyment with or without him.  It's not easy, of course you want to share your life with your partner, but sometimes we have to do what we have to do.

Hang in there!