Well it´s been since around two weeks since I´ve gotten an sms or contact from my ex. She tried to call me, text me, show up at my house etc. But I went through it. Didn´t reply and I think she has given up. Well you never know?
I´m starting to feel better. Not as edgy and anxious but still having nightmares, some obsessive thinking, I miss her sometimes... . but still I feel it´s getting a little bit better. I sometimes wake up in the night thinking she is next to me or standing in my apartment. So weird.
Of course I wonder if she´s seeing someone else, probably but it´s for the best. I just really want this road to recovery to work.
I feel that i´m getting to be myself again. I´m socializing more, flirted a little bit during a night out but I feel me self confidence is really torn. It´s so amazing how a BPD relationship can tear you apart. I know it will take some time, but I´m ready for my future. I need to forgive and just get on with the good things in my life. Myself, my children, family and friends.
Of course I hope I will find love again. But right now I feel like I will be single forever
I just wanted to share how I´m feeling. But the biggest lesson is realizing how these 18 months of our relationship was turbulent and I was in no control of myself and my feelings. It´s like being stuck in mud. But it´s sure good to get out but it takes time and the good times hurt, the intimacy, the sex, her promises and admiration.
But I remind myself of the humiliation, lies, drama and the pain in my stomach everyday.
... . getting there step by step, I hope.
