I think I need help

[Eric1]

I contacted her. It was the wrong decision, I didn't mention anything about us, it was just about a speech I had to do at a wedding. He replied, I replied, she then didnt.

I'm putting myself through more pain, so I know now that I can't break contact.

I went out with friends last night & wasn't myself. I just don't seem to be able to joke anymore or make people laugh like I used to. I've become boring & emotionless.

I was seeing a girl, but we had a talk because she said "I really don't get you, of all the people I've been with you seem so indifferent and emotionless"

I had to be honest and say that I've gone through a tough break up and that it has really hot me for six & I'm now scared about getting to close to people because wearing your heart on your sleeve only gets you hurt.

I am in the mindset that I will love no one as much as I loved her.

[Validation78]

Hi Eric!

Sorry things are tough for you right now. Don't be too hard on yourself for having a set back. The breakup and healing time is different for us all, and may not always go as planned. Trial and error will be the indicators we need to develop a plan to growth and healing.

The fact that we have to spend time in healing and discovery mode is precisely why many people feel that it is best to put off dating again. Many people want to get right back into it because it seems like at face value, replacing one with another will be the answer. It may be just a band aid, and for many, does not allow themselves time to figure out what we really want, and to truly heal our wounds. If we don't take ample time to do this, surely we will continue to carry baggage from one relationship to another. The amount of time will vary from one person to the next, there's no one answer for any of us. It seems that if you are not feeling like yourself when with friends, how can you be yourself with a new friend? Maybe you're not ready to date yet.

As for reaching out to your ex, why don't you make a pact with a good friend to call when you feel that urge to call her? I'm sure you know one (or more) people who would gladly take your call at any time of day to save you the pain you will feel for breaking NC. What do you think?

Best Wishes,

Val78

[Suzn]

I went out with friends last night & wasn't myself. I just don't seem to be able to joke anymore or make people laugh like I used to. I've become boring & emotionless.

After having contact, that clearly didn't go the way we'd like. I'd say you are far from emotionless, you are hurting. Of course you are not yourself. Who is sincerely cheerful when they are hurting? Do you feel it is your job to make people laugh? Give yourself a break from worrying about what other people think, (boring?) that is being pretty hard on yourself. What do you think?

[Eric1]

I don't want to reach out to her anymore. All it does is cause me more pain and grief.

My head says I'm better off without her, but my heart still says she's the one. She was hard work and at times I didn't know where I was going or what I was doing, but I miss her a lot.

Nuts, I know.

[dangoldfool]

Man you need to talk with a T. Trying to work this stuff by yourself is probably next to impossible. Or at least would take, like forever.

You're dating someone already? Dude prop's to you, for getting out there and getting the digit, but you really need to work on yourself, with out the emotional roller coaster a female can/will bring into your life right now.

Depending on the time you been in the relationship I would guess a year of working on you. Read other people stories on this site. Don't you see the consistency when they talk about no contact is better. We all want our relationship to be the exception to this rule. That (they will come back, and we will live happily ever after). But the facts and percentages are not looking good my friend. It's your choice, how long can your endure the heart ache? Peace to you. 

[Perfidy]

I don't want to reach out to her anymore. All it does is cause me more pain and grief.

My head says I'm better off without her, but my heart still says she's the one. She was hard work and at times I didn't know where I was going or what I was doing, but I miss her a lot.

Nuts, I know.

     I have exactly the same battle going on inside myself. I have decided to burn the bridge. It has been much easier for me to carry on the grieving process by having zero contact and blocking social media. It's the only closure I will get. I received none from her after an eight year long relationship. Really sucks but its the only way. Scorched earth.