Feeling Overwhelmed...

[Mike76]

Now that BPD is most likely diagnosed in my wife, I am feeling more stressed than ever... .

Some little things even cause more stress to me. 

Just last night I got delayed at work, I was unable to see the fact my phone was ring she called 7-8 times in 5 minutes.  The only reason why she was calling was last week I put frozen egg rolls in the over for her, she thought there should be more in left in a loose bag.  She could not locate the bag, so she started to rage\panic. The worst part is there was an opened unopened box of eggs(same type in the bag).   So rather than doing was most logical and just opened the new box or wait until I could return the call.  The called 7-8 times in 5 minutes me only being able to answer the 8 time. The phone was on silent because of the meeting I was in and I was unaware of the fact she was calling until I looked at my phone.

As when she claims she is who she is and really has no desire to do things different.   Her actions were justified and are justified in the future.

You stayers are great, wonderful, dedicated people.  I hope to continue to stay but I am not sure that is what is best for me.  For the time being I plan on staying but the more I consider I may start exploring the other boards.   

I need a plan, if she can look me in the face and say  "I have a diagnoses and do not plan on changing" I am not sure what else I can do.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[briefcase]

There is no harm in exploring the other boards.  I spent a lot of time on the undecided board myself.  This Board is mostly about focusing on ourselves and learning how to take care of ourselves.  We mostly discuss the tools outlined in the board Lessons.  

The tools in the Lessons are valuable no matter what you decide to do.    

[Blazing Star]

  Sorry to hear you are feeling stressed at the moment Mike76.

Try to breathe deeply, take one small step at a time.

I don't think I could stay if my pwBPD wasn't improving or working on himself, it is ebbs and flows and it is hard at times, and I am working as hard as he is on myself.

It must be hard hearing her say she is who she is and has no desire to do things differently. I guess only you can do things differently. You can do what you need to do to keep your stress levels low when she calls 8 times. Do you have any tools you might use in this situation if it happens again?

For me just taking 3 deep breaths before I call back would help. And then doing something symbolic to let go when I hang up, like shaking it out of my body, smiling, remembering something funny, having a joke site bookmarked that I go to straight afterwards to give me a moment of lightness and change the energy in my body.

Can you think of anything that you could do?

Love Blazing Star

[Wanda]

 My husband is undiagnoised and we been married 16 years this february 14th. like breifcase said THis board if for us to help us have you thought of going to therapy yourself?   

I was told i needed to learn the tools and skills , I was like what me? but my husband doesn't think he has a problem, so i had to change things and he just followed not saying it was easy it actually wasn't and he got worse before he just gave up and got better.

Oh! and my husband also when disregulated and i am not there will call me i swear several times in 5 min if i know he is disregulated i don't answer and i have a phone to where i can erase his messages before it is even played, so i don't listen to them. i also put my ringer going straight to voice mail if i know he is upset about something.

I remember being asked actually on here several years ago if he is raging and you leave why then do you answer your phone and continue the rage, i thought that is a good question i just thought i had to to calm him down, well i didn't neither do you. shut your phone off when at work or send her to voice mail let her deal with what she needs to deal with on her own. I would answer the phone when i knew things had calm down. HE knew this also i don't answer till things calm down. so to talk he calmed down quicker... .