An I wrong?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hi all. I broke up with my uBPDgf 6 days ago. I made it clear that it was over because I don't trust her due to things she did last year and a few months ago. Issues that dealt with her betraying my trust. Long story short I found her on a dating site and then she repeatedly texted with guys when I told her how it hurts me. Always had an excuse too. I was very clear that this was not a break it was a real end of relationship breakup. Prob is we have taken 17 breaks with stipulations. This one was a very clear ending.

Anyway, I maintained no contact for 6 days which is a record for us. I was forced to be in her office today due to work. I didn't want to go but had to anyway. I walked in , didn't look at her and went about my business. She of course had a break down and had to call one of her guy friends, if course, to console her. She ended up going outside to calm down.

Was I too cold? Should I have said hi and moved on? Should I call her now and explain? I just figured its over. Why do what we always do and talk a bit then makeup and recycle. I have no regrets for breaking up. I'm just used to taking care if her when she hurts. I feel that if she had my replacement already she wouldn't care if I was crying for her to see me on my deathbed. I know this is all about her needing to be soothed.

[nyfit1]

Hi all. I broke up with my uBPDgf 6 days ago. I made it clear that it was over because I don't trust her due to things she did last year and a few months ago. Issues that dealt with her betraying my trust. Long story short I found her on a dating site and then she repeatedly texted with guys when I told her how it hurts me. Always had an excuse too. I was very clear that this was not a break it was a real end of relationship breakup. Prob is we have taken 17 breaks with stipulations. This one was a very clear ending.

Anyway, I maintained no contact for 6 days which is a record for us. I was forced to be in her office today due to work. I didn't want to go but had to anyway. I walked in , didn't look at her and went about my business. She of course had a break down and had to call one of her guy friends, if course, to console her. She ended up going outside to calm down.

Was I too cold? Should I have said hi and moved on? Should I call her now and explain? I just figured its over. Why do what we always do and talk a bit then makeup and recycle. I have no regrets for breaking up. I'm just used to taking care if her when she hurts. I feel that if she had my replacement already she wouldn't care if I was crying for her to see me on my deathbed. I know this is all about her needing to be soothed.

[seeking balance]

I know this is all about her needing to be soothed.

Are you sure reaching out to her is about her being soothed and not for you to soothe your own feelings of worthiness?

I'm just used to taking care if her when she hurts.

Was I too cold? Should I have said hi and moved on? Should I call her now and explain?

Calling her now is only going to send her a mixed message.

You work together - would it have hurt you to say "hi" - honestly?  Would it have ended at "hi"?  You are the only one who knows where your boundaries are and why... . so what are you boundaries and why?

Go easy on judging yourself, you likely have a lot of conflicting feelings.

[fromheeltoheal]

Mine did similar things, including maintaining text relationships with several men and cheating.  I spent time in disbelief and denial, but woke up at one point and realized that the deal was that we were in a monogamous, committed, exclusive relationship, doing what she did broke that agreement, and to top it off she lied about it repeatedly; she proved herself to be untrustworthy and disrespectful more than enough, so I'm outta here.  And sure, there's a line between helping someone you care about and rescuing, I was on both sides at different times, and there was a pull there, but at some point I needed to take care of myself, since she sure as hell wasn't.

Sound familiar?