Triggered again

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I actually thought I was getting better and putting my ex behind me.  Just a little background, I was married for 34 yrs.  I discovered he probably had BPD after he left.  We have been divorced since Mar., and I have been in a new r/s with a non for 2 mos.  My ex and I are selling our marital home, and in responding to the realtor today, my ex said he was busy at work and trying to arrange fitting in paperwork for the house. 

This totally triggered me.  Work was his excuse for everything.  He was always so busy and working so hard.  The reality was that he was incredibly busy, but not at work.  He was doing so many awful things behind my back like cheating, helping himself to our joint funds, etc.  I wanted to blast him for the lie, but I didn't.  Instead I have been obsessing all day about all of the terrible things he did. 

I am calmer now, but it bothers me that he can get to me like that and make it all come crashing down on my head again.  I am fairly certain that he phrased his response that way deliberately to provoke me because he and I have had many heated words about how "busy" he was with "work."  At least I have the satisfaction of knowing that he doesn't know that he got to me.  Does it ever completely go away?

[ComoLu]

I actually thought I was getting better and putting my ex behind me.  Just a little background, I was married for 34 yrs.  I discovered he probably had BPD after he left.  We have been divorced since Mar., and I have been in a new r/s with a non for 2 mos.  My ex and I are selling our marital home, and in responding to the realtor today, my ex said he was busy at work and trying to arrange fitting in paperwork for the house. 

This totally triggered me.  Work was his excuse for everything.  He was always so busy and working so hard.  The reality was that he was incredibly busy, but not at work.  He was doing so many awful things behind my back like cheating, helping himself to our joint funds, etc.  I wanted to blast him for the lie, but I didn't.  Instead I have been obsessing all day about all of the terrible things he did. 

I am calmer now, but it bothers me that he can get to me like that and make it all come crashing down on my head again.  I am fairly certain that he phrased his response that way deliberately to provoke me because he and I have had many heated words about how "busy" he was with "work."  At least I have the satisfaction of knowing that he doesn't know that he got to me.  Does it ever completely go away?

[Surnia]

  ComoLu

Yes, sometimes we get easily triggered, I feel with you.

Honestly, I don't know if it will get completely away. It will get easier with time. 34 years was a very long marriage. Give yourself time and perhaps the most important will be: Accept that there are still triggers. After that some deep breath and focus on something else.