Venting about BPD Mother

[Gemini7973]

Facebook Fight

I just need some affirmation from others that I am not crazy (as I have been told by my mother).

My mother recently went on Facebook and friended me.  She also friended other family members along with reconnecting with old high school classmates.  I helped her set up her security settings so that only Friends could see her Facebook posts such as photos, status updates and personal information.  Mom would regularly post pictures of my 2 year old daughter to share with her friends, which was fine with me.  She would also post status updates saying that she had been to visit us in our City, State (she would put the name of the small town we live in) and would also post my full Facebook name to link me to that status update.  All of this was fine with me because all of her friends were people she actually knew.

I'm not a real active Facebooker, meaning I just occasionally post a photo now and then.  Every couple of days I'll skim through the newsfeed to see what is going on on Facebook.  But Mom has turned into one of those people that spends hours a day on Facebook and she posts every recipe known to man, she posts hundreds of those semi-funny pictures containing a witty quote or saying, and she makes up her own quotes and sayings and posts them as status updates.  After awhile her activity on Facebook just turns into information overload on my newsfeed.  She started getting mad because no one would click 'Like' or comment on these types of things.  She ordered me to get on Facebook and start clicking Like on these dumb recipes and sayings so "that people will think someone is interested in her profile."  I tried to explain to her that maybe sometimes less is more when selecting your Facebook content and of course that made her mad.  Honestly, in my opinion who cares about seeing someone's 50 recipes they would like to try? Do people sit there and actually read all of those quotes and sayings?  I usually skip through these things on my newsfeed and just look at actual photographs that people post, and I skip to actual status updates (such as "we are expecting a baby in March!". I click Like and/or comment on stuff like that, not on a recipe for Enchiladas.

After a lack of attention from her friends and family, after awhile I noticed that Mom had started getting a bunch of new Facebook friends, people that I had never heard of before.  Out of curiosity I would look at some of these people's profiles, and they were all people from Branson or Nashville or other random towns, and were all fans of country music.  What Mom had done was start friending strangers that were all fans of a particular country singer.  She had started instant messaging and corresponding through Facebook with several of these people.  I expressed some concern about this because I didn't think this was very wise to allow Internet strangers to have access to your profile and personal information through Facebook.  Essentially, these strangers now know Mom's full name, including maiden name, they know what town she lives in, her email address, her phone number, AND they know MY full name, what town I live in, and they know my 2 year old daughter's name and they have seen several of her pictures.    I was concerned that one of these people could be an Internet predator or some weirdo stalker... . it's probably unlikely, but it does happen!  Of course when I expressed concern over her friending all these strangers, she told me that I'm just jealous that she is meeting new people and that she will not allow me to control her life.  Whatever.  I let it drop. I wish she would go out and meet REAL people and shut off the stupid Facebook, but whatever.   

A few weeks later she told me she had been conversing on Facebook with a man that is 30 years younger than her. I asked how she found this person, and she said he had friended her and they had been instant messaging everyday.  He was again some stranger that she has never met.  I looked up his profile and it looked like he was a meth addict or something. She said that he had been flirting with her and said how pretty she was.  Again I grew very concerned... . I told her if she wants to do stuff like that she should just create a fake Facebook profile instead of using her real one.  I told her I thought this was dangerous because that guy had access to all of her info, PLUS mine and who knows who this guy even is? (I didn't say this to her, but isn't it a little odd for a 30 year old guy to be carrying on an Internet flirtation with a 60 year old woman?  Someone that does that doesn't seem to be all there in my book.)  She got enraged again and started screaming at me through the phone to stop cussing and abusing her, that I was making her sick and I was going to give her a heart attack.  I was not yelling at her by any means... . I was talking calmly but with concern though.  After she started screaming at me she told me to leave her alone and hung up on me.  I tried to call her back but she'd keep hanging up.  I then told my husband about all this and he said he didn't really want our daughter's picture or any information about us on her profile if she was going to friend all these strange people.  He agreed with me that this was an unsafe and unwise thing for my mom to do.  He said if she wants to run the risk of some psycho knowing all about her, that's her business but he didn't want our daughter's picture or any information about us exposed to people we didn't know through her profile.

About an hour later I called Mom back and she didn't hang up on me this time.  I calmly told her that if she wants to be friends with Internet strangers and give them access to her information, that was up to her, but that both my husband and I would prefer that she take all of the pictures of my daughter and any references to my name and town off her profile.  This really sent her into a rage and she accused my husband of calling her a whore and that I don't have any respect for her... . that I am crazy and out of control, that I need to be on medication.  She'd take all of my stuff off her profile and then she'll just block me too because I am nothing but a pious self righteous bhit.  Then she hung up on me again.

I haven't talked to her in a few days.

So what do you all think?  BPD mom?  She's never been diagnosed as such (of course she doesn't have a problem, everyone else does!)

Am I crazy and self righteous like she said?  When your own mother tells you these things, no matter how rational you try to think you still feel like it must be true.  Did I over react?

[Scarlet Phoenix]

Hi Gemini7973



Sounds like a difficult situation with your mother. 

Since none of us are professionals, we can't really diagnose your mum. But here's a link that might give you some pointers:

Video-What is Borderline Personality Disorder?

Do you have any siblings or other family that is close to your mum? What do they feel about it?

Please keep posting, it really does help!

Scarlet

[Sitara]

Welcome, and sorry you've been having difficulties with your mom.  There was actually just a thread started about Facebook over on the dealing with family members board that you might find interesting.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=207751.0

As a daugher of a uBPD mom, and a mom myself, you need to do what's best for your kids first.  You do what you need to do to keep your little girl safe, even if it means making your mom upset.