Charred - “
The fear of us moving in together seemed to be the final nail in my r/s coffin with my BPD. She freaked and went NC... and next showed up on FB with another guy... ”
…I’m wondering about the same … looking at selling out and moving her direction. As she’s tentatively ‘suggested’ I live with her, I’ll be juggling my finances to the point of not being able to afford a costly mistake, as well as relocating. Though my job’s in her town, I’m not tied to it and would easily move on to something else. I could and would likely ‘reinvest’ in a home, but (or
BUT), if we split again (
which odds are we will... ) I’d then prefer to be a long (long) way from her and job both…
My BPgf seems even to mirror my relationships. Though she’s quick to begin working her circuit, it’s not until “I” find an interest that she finds one too. As fearful to commit to them as me, she simply leads them on until they begin pressuring her for sex, where she fortunately draws the line. …and as I’ve known them (the usual suspects), I’m quite aware of their activities... . Strange, when she begins getting pressure like that – she hunts for me. …and I consider that a ‘sign of the depth of our love’ (whether it is or not) and have easily returned … and dropping my ‘healthy’ interest ... . why does pecking this out make it appear vastly more stupid... ?
Yah… Karma and Chameleon’s
“
like most people here, I started out at my wits end, stressed and lost, hurting from a breakup. Was vacillating back and forth between I can't live without her and I need to stay the heck away from the toxic r/s.”
…me, too And, it’s actually embarrassing to see where I’ve ended up… after having once so adamantly decided -
No More! …
right... It also bothers me to mention havinng even a smidgen of ... fun with my ‘once former’ BPgf ... . when so many are giving all they’ve got to forget theirs... ...
I’m sorry ... . and sometimes I feel downright weak... and stupid. The friend I’d described as “my template for healthy” really lays into me (actually to the point of feeling breaking it off with her was a healthy thing) – telling how ‘self sabotaging’ I am and how much I must love getting my butt kicked by BPDgf… Don’t know that I like it – but here we are again. …and again, this being day 3 of ‘her’ camping trip (she texted a photo of some specially beer with the raging river behind it – I returned a shot of a weed root next to a Dr Pepper and my work boot from weeding my garden …alone). She plays – I hold down the fort…
“
I suspect the healthier someone is mentally the better they would be equipped to handle being in a r/s with a pwBPD... and the less likely they would be to do so... ”
Perfect! …didn’t know whether to laugh or bow at that one
... . as it gave me something to think about while I weeded. Yah,
wow... OK – Now I’m laughing
…not ‘at us,’ but ‘with us’ OK – really cracking up now
So, latching on to a BP is kinda like taking a shortcut to love? Never thought of it that way, either. But like theft – we really didn’t earn it? …a frightening vision I’ve had is having stolen love from a child … until it morphs into an angry nail-spitting adult with thoughts of ‘Revenge!’ …I think you’ve been trying to explain to me that both partners are a little nuts …
or a lot.“
She could play a crowd and have a likable persona/game face... . but it had nothing to do with what she was really like, it was acting... . ”
Seems what they do… especially the ‘high functioning’ type. Any more, I’m not so ‘proud’ of my r/s with BPgf. As mentioned, in the beginning, the mutual friends she’s so impressed seemed equally impressed with me, as I was with her. Now, I’m not so sure …and the few things we’ve done as a couple in the last few recycles have not involved that crowd…
“
The nature of BPD... my pwBPD will never be cured... if she were, she wouldn't be the person I was drawn to like superglue... . so its either take it warts and all or end it…”
Yup
