Have just received official invitation for mediation from Center for Social Work. The mediation will take place on next Wed.
In the last two days we had minor incidents that on the verge of developing in another scandal. Day before yesterday, my 12 years daughter called me for the first time in more than 2 months. She called me from my wife's phone. She has asked to talk to our 8 years old son that stays with me. No sign of any emotion toward me. No desire to talk to me. I think brainwashing is fully completed. After that, my wife and my daughter visited the house of my parents where two of my sons were staying at the time (actually my 8 years old son was playing with my cousins at that time in their house). I was worried that another public scandal was in development. My daughter did not see my mother for more than year or so and yet she succeeded to tell my mother that either she or me are lying about whereabouts of my 8 years old son. My mother was devastated. It was really offensive. I was devastated too.
In the meantime I have just found out that my wife registered our newborn son without my knowledge and consent, using my passport. She has also picked the name without any consultations with me. Officials have made clear that I can revoke this registration. I do not have problem with the name, but I have problem with the fact that she thinks that she can do whatever she wants without my knowledge. I will consult my L on Monday about this situation, because she is also violating law - possessing my personal documents without my consent. Actually. I will probably bring this issue in mediation as BIG issue for me, really important, but I am ready to drop it to get some other more important concessions... .
After days of NC, my wife tried to communicate with me again yesterday through our 12 years daughter. But I refused to discuss things with my 12 years daughter. Than finally, she called me on the phone. I could stand her verbal barrage less than 30 seconds and dropped the call. Sent her SMS message to tell her that both of us sufering because of our children. I do not have problem to arrange that we all meet in our house with some form of security arrangement and that I am just affraid of having another public scandal with police. So, becuase of this, we need Center for Social Work to mediate and make arrangement.
It is really true that we do not have any close friends or relatives that can mediate in this situation. So, this mediation is actually our only hope to start some kind of communication. We need to communicate a lot of things. But becuase of this situation with children, she is unable to cope with anything else.
What is my strategy for mediation? Starting point - 50-50% share of time with children. Children stays in our house and we live with them each alternate week. We have just renovated our old apartment so we can both use it for this purpose. We had this arrangements last year for almost two months... . She will resist this because she can not live alone and her argument will be that she needs to be with baby. In that case I would say that she can be with baby all the time allowing me some time during the week. It is one month old baby. If she is not ready to accept this, and she will not accept this, she will ask from the start the full temporary custody for all 5 children and that all 5 children stays with her, I will offer that we either split children in such way that they spend at least 2-3 days together. In the worst case scenario for me, I would go to have children with me each weekend, or three days a week, including weekend. For the time being, I am clear that I want separate living from her, but with full access to our children, or as much as possible... . This might give us breathing space for the time being... .
Her strategy is probably to opposse anything I suggest hoping that Center for Social Work will favour mother anyway, so she will get children anyway if we do not make any agreement. And than this situation can drag on for years, because I can not file for divorce for three years. She is talking that she will file for divorce, but I am not sure.
I have read a couple of threads about mediation, and I am ready to accept the fact that she will not be able to make any agreement with me. She is preoccupied with her hate and rage and she wants to punish me.
She is really not interested in wellbeing of our children. She is only insterested in using them as weapon against me. I have tried to make an argument with her that insisting on full custody for all of our children with just make me to have a lot of free time. She hates it. She immediately respondend that she will make it sure that I have full hands of our children... . It is very simple - I get what I want insisting on something completely opposite!
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On another issue - all our savings and finances are blocked because of joint management. And she also wants to use this as some kind of pressure on me. So I really feel that I might be locked in some kind of very long or protracted battle. I do not want that. I would rather start my life all over again.
How I feel? Sad from time to time. Sometimes really down. But not that often. I also feel numbed from time to time. I want to make sure that I am calmed and focused and to be sure what I want.
I am trying to make one thing for sure - that I am not afraid of future and that need to have strength to start my live all over again. I do not want here to have impression that she can blackmail me with anything.
