Question

[cwd9]

I recently reconnected with my BPD exgf. we are trying to take things slow and see how things go. She has stated that a relationship is the last thing on her mind right now which seems fair. She recently began therapy for BPD, is starting DBT soon and is also going to university so she has a lot on her plate.

I suspect that she is talking with another guy and may be getting closer with him. My question is do I ask about it? is it even my business? I feel like I want to know if she has another guy on her mind.

Any advice would be great!

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Scarlet Phoenix]

Hi cwd9

I think that if it's important to you, then you should ask her about it. Being in a relationship with someone with BPD doesn't mean that we can't speak our mind or say what is on our mind. It's important that we're free to be ourselves.

It does mean, however, that we have to pay attention to how we communicate, and learn techniques such as SET and validation and time-out, to better manage the relationship. They are not magic tricks that will make everything perfect, but they are effective and useful tools when applied correctly.

Have you had the chance to read about SET and validation?

[waverider]

I suspect that she is talking with another guy and may be getting closer with him. My question is do I ask about it? is it even my business? I feel like I want to know if she has another guy on her mind.

The question is do you think you are going to get an open and honest answer that you will be able to decide how you want to proceed? OR Are you going to get a lot of defensive nonsense and outrage, or even if you do get a straight answer, will you believe it?

Do you want to test the level of trust honesty of your relationship, and do you have faith in the outcome?