My anxiety is bad today... .
Our bodies are really great indicators of where we are at in this. In the throws of your heartache, your increased anxiety over her birthday is probably telling you... . that maybe you aren't in the best head space to know what it is that you really want right now. It's the old saying that you shouldn't buy a house when depressed.
I've been where you are at. It's a tough place to be.
Are you taking some time to take care of yourself? Today might be a really good day to do this. When I get stressed to the point of anxiety, it's my body telling me that maybe I need to take a break. Time to take a deep breath. Time to figure out ways to calm the nerves. Time to stop the ruminating about all the bad stuff that I can't control. The "what if's".
It all needs to be dealt with, but we have to have the proper resilience to deal with it.
~DG
I am doing my best to stay busy and not focus too much on the what ifs. I am feeling a bit confused as to why my/her counselor thought we were ready for this "truth telling"... . My counselor just began working with my ex a month ago - me 9 months ago - she has seen this all unfold and all the drama that comes with it... . I just question her judgement. Its tough because I have trusted her completely. Its all tied to my spiritual beliefs and the idea that Austin and I had a special spiritual connection.
Now I wonder if that is all hogwash and a fancy way to excuse staying in a relationship that is damaging.
Austin herself has sworn to me over and over she has never been this confused and irradic before in her life... . I'm finding it tough to believe now.