should have ran

[suffering_parent]

I wish I would have let my BPD wife go the first time she split.    She left me after six months of dating.   It was an intense and enjoyable to say the least.   It was for her to, she thinks it was the only good part of our relationship.

After another 8 months or so we recycled and got married.   She never split until again until about 7 years in.   It was still a roller coaster everyday.   We had 4 kids that I think tied her down a bit.

I think a key lesson can be learned from those of us who stuck it out for so long.   It won't ever work.   If you have kids you will drag them into this mess.    It is just a whole lot of pain to put anyone through.

If I could advise my dating self, it would have been to run and not look back the first time.   Once you have kids you can never completely remove the toxic person from your life.

[heartandwhole]

Hi suffering_parent,

This is a poignant realization. I'm sorry that you lived a roller coaster, and I understand that when there are children involved, there is no easy fix.  This disorder is very sad and painful.

How are you and the children doing now?

[MovingOnForLife]

I know exactly what you mean.  I stayed with my stbx for seven years longer than I should have.  It was a horrible seven years and he destroyed me.

I am now divorcing him and I am so worried that he'll never be completely out of my life because of the kids.  I also worry about how he will treat the kids when I'm not around since he was nasty to them when I was around. 

It truly is a awful disorder - especially for the nons.

Hang in there.

[suffering_parent]

I am not talking at all about her to my kids anymore.   They seem to just go on with life.   I would have expected more fallout.

After her visits their behavior tends to go backwards though.

It is still a roller coaster for me.   I want out, but we are still married.   She has held off on the divorce for some reason.   Because of my moral beliefs I won't file unless I can prove adultery.   I wish she would admit to it and let me move on.   I think she will at some point to just hurt me.   She might not though to just hurt me.   It is a fun paradox.  I told her I will remain separated and I don't want her back here.

She told me flat out she is looking to re-marry.   She decided her last 2 marriages she married for the wrong reasons.   This time she is looking for someone who can keep up with her sexual needs.   I am sure that will work out!

I have tried going NC, but every time she comes to visit the kids she rages at me.   Tells me a ton of insane crap.   She is doing everything possible to further hurt me.   It is so messed up.